Script

WANDER

by Rob Kramer
wandertheplay@gmail.com
wandertheplay.com

Cast of Characters

Each character can be played by any gender (except for Mr. and Mrs. Earth). The four named students are listed in order of their disappearance. In the script they are randomly assigned a boys or girls name but the play works with any combination of genders.

TEACHER, dismissive

STUDENT, inclusive

OTHER STUDENTS, not as nice; easily double cast as Jupiter’s satellites

ALEX/AVA, quiet and serious, the only child of Mr. and Mrs. Earth;

BRYCE/BROOKE, well intentioned political goals but making little progress;

CARTER/CHLOE, jokes around and takes nothing seriously; a poor student with no plans for the future

DYLAN/DELANEY, studious, knows everything about the solar system; not strong in the relationship department

SUNNY, middle aged, outspoken owner of the eponymous yogurt shop

MERCURY, hyperactive, never stops moving

VENUS, very sad

MR. EARTH, middle aged

MRS. EARTH, middle aged

MARS, lotta attitude, wears something red

JUPITER, self promoter

IO, Jupiter’s

EUROPA, four satellites;

CALLISTO, enthusiastic

GANYMEDE, poster holders

SATURN, love letter writer

URANUS, proud of being the seventh planet

NEPTUNE, desperately hoping for a visitor, wears something blue

Place - your town

Time - present, end of school day

Production Notes

The four students always enter stage right and exit stage left, unless they exit with a planet. The scenes with Venus and Mars are particularly good to demonstrate the leftward movement of the students as they wander past the right moving planets.

The only scene which requires a set is Sunny’s. It can be set up prior to start as the first scene, Dismissed, can take place in front of the curtain. A dark background, possibly with stars, would work well for all the other scenes. See the website for an example of the set for SUNNY’s and how it could be used for the background for the remainder of the play.

Five of the planets sing songs that are obvious parodies of hit songs from previous decades. Go to the website to hear how they might sound. For more on the fair use of these melodies as well as the science and math of WANDER, see the appendix. The other rhymes are not associated with any song. Perhaps Dr. Kramer’s rhymes remind you more of Dr. Suess than Dr. Dre. Regardless, feel free to say them in any manner you like.

Author’s Note

WANDER is a play about four students who search for the planets and find themselves. It is the only play that is science based—almost two hundred solar system facts—yet the story remains relevant for those without an interest in astronomy. It is a two act play that is about an hour and a half long. Ideally suited for a school performance, there is a cast of twenty that has complete gender flexibility and a dozen characters that have a stand out opportunity.

There is no star, (except of course for Sunny) and no overly demanding role as only two characters appear in both acts and neither has one of the five solo songs. There is one simple set and a few props. Any K-12 educational institution is free to use the play (I just ask to be contacted) and alter it in any way deemed necessary. GO TO PROLOGUE IN MENU FOR ALTERNATIVE OPENING BEFORE DISMISSED.

ACT I

Scene 1 - DISMISSED

SETTING: The curtain is closed and students in the audience are talking and moving about.

AT RISE: After introduction of the play, an actual teacher from the school comes out in front of the curtain or stage and begins to lecture about their favorite topic. Students continue to talk and move about the theater.

CHLOE is seated in a front row and gets up to leave.

TEACHER

CHLOE, class isn’t over yet

(The bell rings and TEACHER gives up.

CHLOE and many other students, some who were seated, move to the front and climb up on the stage in front of the curtain.

DELANEY attempts to climb up but is unable and walks stage right to use the stairs. The students break up into three groups, noisily chatting.

ALEX is in the left group, BRYCE in the middle and CHLOE in the right. DELANEY is all alone far right. They quiet down for announcements and then when one group has lines, the others freeze)

OFF STAGE VOICE

Congratulations on finishing another day at (state your school name) A few announcements before dismissal: -Sports teams have their first practice this afternoon.

-Student council meets right after school today.

-Career exploration day is next week. Make sure you’re prepared.

-Your class secretary just transferred to another school. Nominations for a replacement will be taken in the office next week with an election held at the end of the month. (feel free to add any other announcements relevant to your school)

-Have a nice day everyone.

(STUDENT enters left and addresses first group)

STUDENT
Hey, I was thinking of going to the mall. Anyone want to go? (other students in group nod agreeably except for ALEX

ALEX

I have chores to do at home at sunset...so...no.

OTHER STUDENT

Can’t your brother or sister get them done?

ALEX

That would be nice, but siblings, I don’t have one.

STUDENT

Okay, maybe next time. (all the students in the first group move to the next group except for ALEX who remains alone)

STUDENT

We’ve got a group going to the mall. Anyone interested?

OTHER STUDENTS

Yeah, sure.

BRYCE

No, there’s a student council meeting I want to go to.

STUDENT

But you’re not on council.

OTHER STUDENT

Yeah, remember you got zero votes when you ran last year.

BRYCE

Well, maybe I could go and take some pictures.(pulls out phone) Is there a place in the room where—

STUDENT

—It happens to be no phones allowed, and only council and class officers can attend.

BRYCE

Oh...(dejectedly) then I guess I could run for class secretary.

STUDENT

So how about joining us?

BRYCE

No, I’ll pass (BRYCE stays while the enlarging group moves right)

STUDENT

Who’s up for the mall?

CHLOE

No, I have practice this afternoon.

OTHER STUDENT

Didn’t you see? They posted rosters this morning. You didn’t make the team. Well, I guess you won’t be getting an academic or an athletic scholarship (some laugh).

STUDENT

Hey, knock it off. CHLOE, you could still go with us. (CHLOE is still stunned and shakes head no. The larger group now moves right to DELANEY.)

STUDENT

DELANEY, we’re going to the mall. Want to come?

DELANEY

Well...

OTHER STUDENT

Oh yeah, you have to study, right?

DELANEY

I’d like to go but...

STUDENT

That’s okay. Maybe next time. (The large group exits right, leaving ALEX, BRYCE, CHLOE and DELANEY standing alone across the stage. TEACHER comes by.)

TEACHER

School’s been dismissed. Don’t you kids have someplace you need to be?

(ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE move slowly towards each other, DELANEY remains stage right. The mood is downbeat.)

BRYCE

Anyone want to get something to eat?

CHLOE

Sure.

ALEX

How about frozen yogurt at SUNNY’S? Hey DELANEY, want to go?

(DELANEY nods in agreement, all exit left)

BLACKOUT

ACT I

Scene 2 - SUNNY’S

SETTING: A brightly lit shop with a small stand stage right where payment is taken and cups handed out.

An enormous round yellow sign on or behind the stand: SUNNY’S FROZEN YOGURT. Helium balloons, or a depiction of some are tied to the sign/stand.

There is a recycling bin to the left of the stand and then a table with four chairs. Behind the table are ten yogurt machines. The machines can simply be drawn on a poster, held by the planets and hiding their faces. Alternatively they can be made by putting poster board over a lightweight two foot by six foot wooden frame supported behind by the appropriate planets. Regardless the reverse side of the posters are all black with small white dots to look like outer space. In either case the reverse sides can be used as a background for the remaining scenes. See SET for photos of how they might look.

Each machine has a prominent flavor sign (representing one of the planets) in order right to left: MERINGUE, VANILLA, EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE—DOUBLE CHOCOLATE, MARSHMALLOW. Then a machine labeled: Assorted Sweet Toppings Enjoyed Right On Icy Desserts (Best Eaten Last Thing).

The first eight words are written vertically with the first letter a large capital so it is obvious what they spell out. There are numerous small containers attached to this machine. If Skittles cannot be scooped out from one of the containers, they need to be surreptitiously placed in the cup handed to CHLOE.

Then the machines for JUNIPER, STRAWBERRY, UBE and NECTARINE. Then a machine for PISTACHIO which is clearly not in service. Each machine (except for the fifth and tenth, which can be held by a Galilean satellite) has a trapdoor which can be opened to reveal the face of the actor(s) holding it. ________________

AT RISE: SUNNY is busily cleaning the store. BRYCE, CHLOE and DELANEY enter right. They are now laughing, loud and boisterous. The mood is upbeat. ALEX follows quietly behind.

CHLOE

You know what, I really didn’t want to play for that coach anyway.

BRYCE

I don’t blame you. And it’s good that I didn’t get student council. Now I can go after that class officer position that opened up.

DELANEY

They were right. I actually was going to go home and study.

SUNNY

ALEX, nice to see you, what’s new, what’s up?

ALEX

SUNNY, nice to see you, I’ll have one large cup.

DELANEY

Me too. (goes to pay)

BRYCE

No, I’ve got this. Four large cups please. (pays with phone)

SUNNY

Anything more for you kids?

ALEX

Just four spoons please, no lids. (they go to the machines to get frozen yogurt)

CHLOE

ALEX, what are you going to get?

ALEX

Did you forget? Always chocolate.

CHLOE

How about you BRYCE?

BRYCE

I’m going to have a little of everything and top it off with a whole lotta marshmallow.

CHLOE

DELANEY?

DELANEY

I want to try something new, something far out. How about... nectarine? Hey CHLOE, what are you doing?

CHLOE

I’m filling up with Skittles.

DELANEY

You can’t have just Skittles.

CHLOE

Why not? I can fill up with anything I want and I want Skittles.

DELANEY

But it’s a frozen yogurt store. You have to have some frozen yogurt, right? (CHLOE goes to the table and is distracted/bumped by DELANEY and spills the cup of Skittles on the floor and table. They look around nervously)

CHLOE

Clean up in aisle five! (CHLOE yells, BRYCE and DELANEY laugh, ALEX not amused) (SUNNY cleans up floor but not table, putting Skittles in recycling. While SUNNY intermittently addresses students, they never acknowledge it. SUNNY’S rants—and they are definitely rants—may be directed to the students, the audience or no one. When students speak, SUNNY stays busy cleaning)

SUNNY

KIDS...
THEY THINK THEY’RE SO AMUSING HERE
I’M GONNA BLOW A FUSE IN HERE (points to head)
AND I’LL GO THERMONUCLEAR
IF THEY GET MORE UNRULY...ER (pauses at the realization that the only way to get the rhyme is to be grammatically incorrect)

ALEX

CHLOE, why don’t you try one of the frozen yogurt flavors?

CHLOE

Okay, let’s see, I’ll have...ube! (goes back to machine)

DELANEY

What’s ube?

CHLOE

It’s...purple (with mild disgust)

ALEX

Ube is a tuberous root, it’s a vegetable, not a fruit. (they sit down to eat)

BRYCE

Well when I’m governor, people will be able to fill up their cups with whatever they want at froyo stores.

CHLOE

There’s no chance you’re ever going to be governor.

ALEX

Well, (your state’s) population is x.y million. So you do have a chance, like 1000/x.y in a billion. (insert your state’s population and do the math)

BRYCE

You just watch. I’ll start off small, like class secretary and work my way up. So what are you going to do ALEX?

ALEX

I’m not sure, there are a lot of things I’m thinking about. My parents want me to stay at home and help them out.

BRYCE

Well, like what are you thinking of?

ALEX

Maybe a scientist...an economist...an artist...a psychologist...

BRYCE

What do your parents want you to do?

ALEX

They have a home business they want me to take over. They say it’s in desperate need of a makeover.

BRYCE

And CHLOE?

CHLOE

What?

10.

BRYCE

What are your plans?

CHLOE

For what?

BRYCE

Like for career day, what kind of job do you want to do?

CHLOE

Hmmm, I don’t know. I never really thought about it. What are you going to do DELANEY?

DELANEY

I’m going to be an astronaut and go see all the planets. (This gets SUNNY’S immediate attention and listens closely to the conversation.)

BRYCE

All the way to Pluto?

DELANEY

No, only as far as Neptune. Pluto used to be considered a planet but in two thousand six it was reclassified as a Kuiper belt object.

CHLOE

A what?

DELANEY

Kuiper belt objects orbit the Sun beyond Neptune, there are millions of them. Pluto’s just the largest one.

ALEX

(angry) That wasn’t fair, they had no right to can it. I’ve seen Pluto and it’s a beautiful planet.

CHLOE

How can you see Pluto?

11.

DELANEY

The New Horizons probe reached it in two thousand fifteen and took lots of great photos.

CHLOE

Have all the other planets been explored?

DELANEY

Yes, but we’ve only been out to Neptune once. That was the Voyager 2 probe which was launched in nineteen seventy-seven and reached Neptune in eighty-nine.

(DELANEY holds up two Skittles from table to demonstrate Voyager 2 route to Neptune. BRYCE pulls out phone to take picture but CHLOE grabs some Skittles still on table and throws some at BRYCE. BRYCE fires back as many as possible, never getting picture. DELANEY watches in amusement, ALEX is appalled.)

SUNNY

(returns to clean up floor again)

FOUR LITTLE ONES I CAN’T IGNORE

BOUNCING AROUND IN MY STORE

DON’T HAVE A NEURON IN THEIR CORE (points at CHLOE’s head)

THEIR ENERGY IS ON THE FLOOR

I’LL PUT THE PRESSURE ON ALL FOUR

REALLY IMPROVE MY BALLOON SCORE (points to balloons on sign)

I’LL GET THEM TO WORK SOME MORE

THEN GIVE THEM A SWIFT KICK OUT THE DOOR (Students go back to their froyo and ignore SUNNY who puts Skittles in recycling bin)

CHLOE

It’s really hot in here

12.

DELANEY

Yeah but this nectarine is cold and tastes great.

BRYCE

And I’m really enjoying my marshmallow.

SUNNY

YOU KNOW THE FLAVORS YOU SAVOR PLUS THE MIDDLE SNACK

I’M THEIR SAVIOR, NEVER WAVER, I KEEP BRINGING THEM BACK

LIKE CLOCKWORK I’M AT WORK FOR THE FLAVORS YOU KNOW (puzzled, pointing at last machine)

I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET ANY PISTACHIO

EIGHT MACHINES NEVER EMPTY OR BROKEN, NO WASTE

SAME FLAVORS, SAME TASTES SINCE I OPENED THIS PLACE

ALMOST FIVE YEARS IT’S BEEN ONLY MY FACE

ALMOST FIVE YEARS NEVER OUT OF THIS SPACE

DO YOU THINK THAT I’M BOASTING? I’M BRAGGING? I’M RUDE?

THEN MULTIPLY BY NINE ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE

(Students completely ignore SUNNY.)

BRYCE

We need to come back here. How about tomorrow or next weekend?

DELANEY

No, yesterday I saw it was dark in here by six and I think they’re closed on Sunday. Besides, it’s too bright in here.

SUNNY

YOU BET I’M BRIGHT, I’M JUST THE RIGHT LIGHT

I’M ALWAYS IN SIGHT, FOR ME THERE’S NO NIGHT

I’M NOT CLOSED SUNDAY, NEVER CLOSED EVEN ONE DAY

OPEN MIDNIGHT, TWILIGHT, DAWN, MY LIGHT’S ALWAYS ON

MY PRODUCT’S WORLDWIDE, MY WORK’S MULTIPLIED

VACATION? DENIED. SICK CALL? I’VE TRIED

I’VE NO PLACE TO HIDE ON MY TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN RIDE

SO IF YOU THINK IT’S DARK IN HERE...YOU’RE JUST ON THE WRONG SIDE (Again ignored by students who are eating their yogurt)

13.

SUNNY

GO AHEAD, IGNORE ME—BUT KNOW—THERE WAS NOTHING HERE BEFORE ME

OF COURSE IT’S MY FORCE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING GO

I’M THE BOSS, THE POWER SOURCE, THE STAR OF THIS SHOW

MY VALUE’S ENORMOUS, YOURS—NOT EVEN PLANETESIMAL

MY ENERGY’S ALMOST INFINITE, YOURS—INFINITESIMAL

I’M WEIGHTY, I’VE GOT GRAVITAS, HALF MY WORK’S UNSEEN

I’M NOT JUST PULLING HANDLES ON YOGURT MACHINES

SO LET’S GET ONE THING ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN...

I’M NOT THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN (Students get up to leave, taking cups with them)

ALEX

There are a lot of things I need to do. I’ve got to get home, how about you?

BRYCE

I want to work on my campaign for class secretary.

CHLOE

I want to finish my ube.

DELANEY

I want to see all the planets. I really want to see all the planets.

CHLOE

You’re dreaming just like BRYCE. Not gonna happen.

DELANEY

No, I’m serious. Someday I am going to see the planets.

(Again, SUNNY shows great interest in DELANEY’s comment. Students exit left. Then SUNNY runs around the stage excitedly, addressing the audience with manic energy. This is the time to put on your best sound and light effects.)

14.

SUNNY

SO AMBITIOUS, S/HE’S GREAT, OH MY ISN’T S/HE

TRYING TO SEE ALL EIGHT, ALL MY PROGENY

WHY SHOULD S/HE WAIT TO FULFILL DESTINY

SO IF PLANETS WILL SATE, THEN IT’S PLANETS S/HE’LL SEE

(Now SUNNY starts to expose faces behind the yogurt machines while stage crew removes the stand, table and chairs. The planets hurriedly move about the stage and rotate their machines so the black background shows. Then they line them up again and look out the trapdoors from behind.)

I’LL CHANGE ORBITAL RATES, DEFY GRAVITY

AND WITH EACH PLANET STRAIGHT, IN A LINE UP WITH ME

OUTER SPACE WILL DEFLATE, THEY’LL BE SIMPLE TO SEE

THEN I’LL OPEN A GATE, TO A FANTASY

OF A MAGICAL STATE, WHERE THOSE KIDS WILL BE

WITH AN AMBLING GAIT, PLANET HOP EASILY

SO THEY CAN SEE ALL EIGHT...BUT LOOK CAUTIOUSLY

FOR EACH PLANET AWAITS, THEY WANT COMPANY

AND THEN AS THEY RELATE, THOSE KIDS JUST MAY SEE

THAT THE LINES THAT THEY STATE, WILL RHYME JUST LIKE ME

HOPE I’M NOT TOO LATE TO DO MY WIZARDRY

SO THEY HAVE A DATE TO VIEW MY SYZYGY

AND FIND THAT WHAT THEY ATE MAY BE THEIR REALITY

AND DETERMINE THEIR FATE...OR WILL IT...WE’LL SEE

(BLACKOUT)

15.

ACT I

Scene 3 - MERCURY EXPRESS

SETTING: The stage is empty with a dark background, possibly with stars on it.

AT RISE: MERCURY sprints across the stage repeatedly, entering left, exiting right. Students enter right tentatively, looking around at their new environment.

MERCURY enters again and after seeing students stays on stage but never stops moving.

BRYCE

This doesn’t look like the way home. Where did the buildings go?

DELANEY

I’ve a feeling we’re not in (your state) anymore.

CHLOE

It’s like we’re in this big empty place.

ALEX

Big yes. Empty no. Welcome to outer space.

CHLOE

Well then who’s speedy?

ALEX

That’s MERCURY

CHLOE

Wow, really fast. Have we ever managed to explore it?

DELANEY

Only once with the Messenger probe. It’s really hard to catch up to.

(Music begins. MERCURY briefly acknowledges ALEX who reciprocates. BRYCE tries to get a photo but is frustrated by MERCURY’s constant movement and gives up. CHLOE shows mild interest in MERCURY. DELANEY looks at phone.)

16.

MERCURY EXPRESS (to the tune: Marrakesh Express)

SPEEDING ROUND THE SUN HUNDRED THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

EIGHTY EIGHT DAYS AND THEN YOU’LL BE ONE MORE YEAR OLDER

EIGHT HUNDRED DEGREES IN THE LIGHT MINUS TWO EIGHTY IN THE NIGHT

SOMEWHERE THERE HAS TO BE A PLACE FOR YOU

SMALLEST PLANET NOW THAT PLUTO’S BEEN KICKED OUT

ORBIT FOLLOWS THE MOST ELLIPTICAL ROUTE

GOT NO MOONS THAT STAY WITH ME

MAYBE IT’S LOW GRAVITY

BUT I THINK IT’S VELOCITY DON’T YOU

COME ON AND CATCH ME I’M THE MERCURY EXPRESS

PLEASE COME AND JOIN ME WATCH THE MERCURY EXPRESS AND PERIHELION PRECESS

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN

I’VE GOT ICE AND PLAINS AND CRATERS ON MY SURFACE HERE

BUT I DON’T HAVE AN ATMOSPHEEEEEEERE

ONLY EARTH HAS GOT A DENSITY THAT’S MORE

THAT’S CAUSE I’VE GOT LOTS OF IRON IN MY MY MY MY MY CORE

MESSENGER LAUNCHED IN OH FOUR

CIRCLED ME LIKED WHAT IT SAW

TEN YEARS ON AND IT RAN OUT OF GAS

DON’T YOU KNOW IT CRASHED INTO THE MERCURY EXPRESS

NOW I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHO’S GONNA CLEAN UP ALL THIS MESS

BEPI COLUMBO’S MY NEXT GUEST

DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S COMING TO THE MERCURY EXPRESS

WILL TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES OF THE MERCURY EXPRESS

I WISH IT ALL THE BEST SUCCESS

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN

GET ON BOOOAAARRRRD… (exits right)

17.

CHLOE

Are all the planets that fast?

DELANEY

No, MERCURY has to be the fastest because it’s closest to the Sun. If it wasn’t moving so fast it would be pulled in by the Sun’s gravity. If the other planets were as fast as MERCURY they would shoot out of the solar system...hey, that was my first planet sighting. I wonder if we can get to see Venus today.

ALEX

Right this way. (all exit left)

18.

ACT I

Scene 4 - TOO MANY CLOUDS

SETTING: Same as scene 3

AT RISE: Students enter right

CHLOE

So have we sent satellites to Venus?

DELANEY

Yes, lots. Venus is easier to catch up to but it’s really hot there, even hotter than MERCURY.

CHLOE

How can that be, since it’s further from the Sun?

DELANEY

It’s because of the—look, there’s Venus now.

(VENUS, downcast, enters left and slowly moves right. The planet has large yellow sponges loaded with water on both hands and an enormous one on head. Add more to other body parts if you like. During the song the students move left past Venus. They cross at “closest to you” and VENUS reaches out to ALEX who reciprocates but does not approach. VENUS continues right).

BRYCE

Gee, why so glum? (BRYCE will try to get photo of VENUS during song but always picks moments when the planet raises sponges on hands so BRYCE can never get a shot. CHLOE shows some interest while DELANEY again alternates between phone and glances to the planet.)

(The music begins)

19.

TOO MANY CLOUDS (to the tune: Send In The Clowns (Judy Collins version))

VENUS

ISN’T IT SAD

MY FAULT I GUESS

I THOUGHT AS EARTH’S TWIN YOU’D LIKE ME BEST

BUT THEN THERE’S THE CLOUDS

CLOSEST TO YOU

JUST THE SAME SIZE

I SHINE BRIGHTER THAN ANY STAR IN YOUR SKY

BUT I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS

HOT THICK YELLOW CLOUDS

SULFURIC ACID RAINS FROM MY SKY (squeeze out hand sponges now)

CARBON DIOXIDE UNBELIEVABLY HIGH

I’M A GREENHOUSE GAS EFFECT RUN AMOK

EIGHT HUNDRED EIGHTY DEGREES

PLANNING A VISIT? GOOD LUCK

DON’T HAVE A MOON

AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S WEIRD

A DAY HERE IS LONGER THAN MY WHOLE YEAR

I WAS NAMED AFTER LOVE

BUT ALL THEY THINK OF

ARE THOSE CLOUDS ABOVE

(during 23 second musical interlude)

BRYCE

It’s really hot here.

CHLOE

My ube is melting.

20.

ALEX

It’s not that hot.

DELANEY

Yes it is. We’ve seen VENUS, let’s keep going. (they continue left. VENUS, now far right, gestures to students.)

VENUS

TO SEE ALL THIS

YOU WON’T HAVE TO GO FAR

OH, YOU’RE AS LIKELY TO COME HERE

AS GO TO THE STARS

IT’S BECAUSE OF THE CLOUDS

I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS

OKAY...GO VISIT...MARS

(VENUS buries head in hands, more water expressed, exits right. ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE show concern as they watch VENUS exit. Not so DELANEY)

DELANEY

Yeah, great idea, two planets down. Let’s see if we can find Mars.

ALEX

I know where MARS is but I can’t go there just yet. At home I have some things to get.

DELANEY

Let’s keep going, I don’t need to see Earth.

BRYCE

If ALEX needs to check in at home we can do that.

CHLOE

I don’t get how a day on VENUS can be longer than a year.

21.

DELANEY

When you say day, do you mean how long VENUS takes to rotate on its axis or how long it takes for the Sun to return to the same place in the sky?

CHLOE

Well that’s the same thing, isn’t it?

ALEX

No, for EARTH the time to spin it is shorter by four minutes than the SUN place in the sky way, which is our twenty-four hour day.

DELANEY

And on VENUS one is twice as long as the other but they both last over one hundred Earth days.

CHLOE

I still don’t get how a day can last so long but I do know if I ever go visit VENUS, I’m going to show up on a Saturday.

(all exit left)

BLACKOUT

22.

ACT I

Scene 5 - LIVING ROOM SCENE

SETTING: As before but now there is a table and chairs far left where MR. and MRS. EARTH are sitting. Nearby is a garbage can and a recycling bin. A crescent shaped silver mylar helium balloon is tied with a very long string to the table. Head shots of the seven planet actors and SUNNY could be on wall behind them with a photo of PLUTO last and turned backwards. If no photos used, hide the PLUTO poster behind the table.

AT RISE: Students enter right

CHLOE

Okay, so here’s a question even I can understand the answer to. VENUS was really hot but what is the average temperature on Earth?

DELANEY

I have no idea.

ALEX

These days it’s Farenheit fifty-nine or so but it was a degree less forty years ago.

CHLOE

Do you always talk in rhymes?

ALEX

(shrugs) Just sometimes. (CHLOE looks quizzically at audience, they walk left)

We’re out of space. Here’s my place...of birth...and my parents, MR. and MRS. EARTH.

23.

MR. EARTH

Hi, where have you been kids? Tell us what you did.

BRYCE

Hi MR. EARTH, we got froyo at SUNNY’S and then saw MERCURY AND VENUS.

MRS. EARTH

Oh ALEX just loves SUNNY’S chocolate mixture. How are MERCURY and VENUS? Did you get a picture?

BRYCE

No, MERCURY was always moving too much and every time I tried to get a shot of VENUS, the clouds got in my way.

MRS. EARTH

Say, would you like to take a picture of us today? (MR. and MRS. EARTH get together for a shot)

BRYCE

Sure. Okay, one, two...

(DELANEY throws cup away in garbage; MR. EARTH jumps up; BRYCE misses picture, exasperated at photographic failures.)

MR. EARTH

Hey, don’t put that in the trash bin, that goes in recycling.

DELANEY

It’s just one cup.

MR. EARTH

If eight billion people recycle one thing less, do you know what my backyard looks like? A mess! (ALEX collects cup from trash bin and takes cups from BRYCE and CHLOE and put all in recycling.)

24.

MRS. EARTH

Thank you ALEX, but you know you left your clothes on the floor and didn’t close your window or door and you left your light on when you were at the store. It’s not like the oil truck makes deliveries anymore.

MR. EARTH

We need your help around here. We can’t do it all by ourselves every year.

MRS. EARTH

That’s right, and you know we had a new MOON last night. (points to balloon)

CHLOE

Congratulations MRS. E!

MRS. EARTH

CHLOE, we have a new MOON every twenty-nine and a half days... and ALEX, you didn’t take it out in the SUN’s setting rays.

DELANEY

But a new Moon can’t be seen on the first day. It’s too close to the Sun.

MR. EARTH

But it can be seen on the second day. And if people don’t see a crescent MOON tonight at sunset, what will they say?

DELANEY

Well, a second day Moon won’t be visible for long before it sets. We’ll wait for you ALEX while you take it out.

MRS. EARTH

Oh, where are you going?

DELANEY

We’re going to explore the solar system and see all the planets.

25.

MR. EARTH

You’re not going to PLUTO, are you?

DELANEY

Oh no, Pluto is a Kuiper belt object.

MR. EARTH

You’re right about that. I always knew it wasn’t a planet. (ALEX gets PLUTO poster and holds it up. Use the “heart” picture from the New Horizons probe if you can.)

ALEX

(angry) Are you telling me this isn’t a planet?

MR. EARTH

(angrier) It’s orbit is tilted seventeen degrees to ours. MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, NEPTUNE are only tilted two degrees. Seventeen degrees! Where did that come from?

ALEX

It doesn’t matter where it comes from or how tilted its orbit is. I miss PLUTO and I want it to be a planet.

MR. EARTH

Make PLUTO a planet and the next thing you know every rock a mile wide circling the SUN will want to be a planet.

ALEX

(yelling) It’s a planet

MR. EARTH

(yelling louder) It’s not one of us.

26.

CHLOE

(quietly to BRYCE) They’re not rhyming anymore.

BRYCE

I know, that’s not a good thing.

MRS. EARTH

(very upset) Please stop.

BRYCE

Are you okay MRS. EARTH?

MR. EARTH

She’s not feeling well. She’s had a fever and it’s not getting better.

DELANEY

(uncomfortably) Well, we need to get going.

ALEX

You go ahead without me. It’s okay, I’ve seen the planets before. I need to stay here and help out.

(ALEX puts poster away and gets crescent MOON balloon. DELANEY exits left, BRYCE and CHLOE reluctantly follow; MR. EARTH consoles MRS. EARTH; the lights dim)

27.

ACT I

Scene 6 - TWILIGHT TALK

SETTING: MR. and MRS. EARTH are seated motionless in the fading light. If helium not available consider: a cardboard crescent moon which can be suspended from and slide and descend along a catwalk above; a crescent which is suspended from and slides along a black string across the stage, angled from high to low as ALEX moves right (moons must be removable); a crescent on a collapsable black tent pole.

AT RISE: ALEX takes the long string in left hand and slowly uses right to bring moon lower, simulating the setting Moon as the light fades and ALEX moves right. The crescent is at eye level at the end.

ALEX

(starts to walk right with MOON, looks back left)

SO THERE THEY GO, MY THREE FRIENDS

OFF TO SEE MY HEAVENLY FRIENDS

MY PARENTS DON’T THINK I NEED FRIENDS

SO NOW IT’S JUST YOU AND ME...FRIEND

(looks up and continues to address MOON)

PIERCING THE TWILIGHT WITH YOUR THIN SILVER CRESCENT

TONIGHT’S CELESTIAL HIGHLIGHT, A TWO DAY OLD PRESENT

BUT SO SOON OUT OF SIGHT FROM HORIZON’S ASCENT

AS THE EARTH SPINS RIGHT...YOU DON’T SELF DESCENT (last four words with a head shake and a smile)

28.

ALEX (cont.)

YOUR RISE AND YOUR FALL, YOUR APPARENT MOTION

IT’S MOSTLY EARTH’S FAULT, MY PARENT’S DEVOTION

AND NOW I HEAR THEIR CALL, THEY SAY IT’S A PROMOTION

ME? IN CHARGE OF THIS ALL? I’VE GOT MIXED EMOTION

(takes a step back left and looks left)

I WANTED TO GO THOUGH

THEY WERE ACTING SO LOCO

SHOULDA SEEN THEM AT FROYO

SUNNY WAS MAD, UH OH

THEY DON’T KNOW THE WAY TO GO

HOW THEY’LL GET THERE I DON’T KNOW

GOING WITH THEM’S A NO GO

I CAN’T PLAY SAM TO THEIR FRODO

(continues right, looking at MOON and pulling it lower as light fades)

I’VE GOT LOTS OF PLANS YOU KNOW

I’M JUST NOT SURE WHICH TO FOLLOW

I’M THINKING LOCAL

MOM AND DAD WANT ME GLOBAL

I’M THINKING GRANDE THOUGH

I’VE GOT TO START POCO

GOT THIS BIG VISION SO

GOT TO BE MORE FOCAL

BEEN KEEPING MY VOICE LOW

GOT TO BE MORE VOCAL

ANSWERS SEEM HIDDEN

AS WE WANDER AND SEEK

WE COULD PONDER FOREVER

WE COULD WAX ON FOR TWO WEEKS

AND KEEP GOING IN CIRCLES

WATCH OUR ENERGY WANE

AND IN TWO MORE WEEKS

START ALL OVER AGAIN

29.

ALEX(cont.)

(stops moving, MOON now at eye level, looks directly at audience)

BUT A DECISION’S GOT TO BE MADE

IT’S NOT REALLY A DEBT

IT’S JUST WHERE I BELONG

I CAN NEVER FORGET

I’LL BE HAPPIEST HERE

IT’S MY BEST BET

SO I’M GOING TO STAY HOME...

AND NOW WE’RE BOTH SET

(looks at MOON and hurries back to parents with MOON to tell them the news. They are all excited)

BLACKOUT

30.

ACT I

Scene 7 - MORE REAL

SETTING: The stage is empty as in Scenes 3 and 4. Consider this the best scene to demonstrate the relative motion of the planets and students. The students enter right and are center when they see MARS enter left. MARS slowly moves to center during its poem while the students move left, BRYCE lagging behind.

As they talk, MARS moves right while CHLOE and DELANEY go left. BRYCE is now alone and has to decide which way to go.

AT RISE: BRYCE, CHLOE AND DELANEY enter right

CHLOE

So what do ALEX’s parents do?

DELANEY

I’m not sure.

BRYCE

I think it’s something about real estate or property management or something like that. Mars isn’t going to be moving too fast or be too hot is it?

DELANEY

Definitely not. We’ve had a lot of success exploring Mars. In nineteen seventy-one Mariner 9 took pictures of it. Then in seventy-five the Viking crafts actually touched down on Mars. There were some failures, like the ninety-two Observer probe, but then came the rovers Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity and Curiosity. They were a great success. The lander Insight arrived in two thousand eighteen and then the rover Perseverance. (looks at phone) Hey, look, all the planets are lined up!

31.

CHLOE

The planets are always lined up...at least on the poster in science class.

DELANEY

It’s called syzygy but it never actually happens. The first three sometimes, but all eight, never. It’s crazy but at least we’ll be able to find them without ALEX.

(They walk a bit more right. MARS appears left, looking at its phone)

BRYCE

Look, there’s MARS. (pulls out phone to take picture)

DELANEY

Great! We’ve got that sighting, now I’ve seen four, but we know so much about MARS already. It’s getting late, there’s no reason to stop here. Let’s go.

BRYCE

Just let me get a shot...got it

(BRYCE finally gets a photo and the students start to move left. MARS notices and is annoyed and responds with MORE REAL)

MARS

ANOTHER PHOTO FROM AFAR...I’M OFFENDED

LIKE A GLANCE FROM A SPEEDING CAR, NO REAL INTEREST INTENDED

DON’T NEED ANOTHER OBSERVER, WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDED

LET ME SEE WHO YOU ARE, LET’S GET SOME ENERGY EXPENDED

DON’T CALL ME A CANDY BAR, (holds up phone)CALL ME, I CAN BE FRIENDED

I’M IN SIGHT OF YOUR BACKYARD, LET’S GET OUR FENCES MENDED

NASA SAYS THE DOOR’S AJAR, LAUNCH WINDOW’S BEEN EXTENDED

THE JOURNEY’S NOT THAT FAR, I NEED SOMEBODY SENDED!

32.

MARS (cont.)

BOOKS AND SONGS AND MOVIE STARS? DON’T NEED MORE SCIENCE THAT’S PRETENDED

WHY CAN’T WOMEN COME FROM MARS? JUST LIKE THE MEN DID

ELTON SAID AIN’T THE PLACE ON MARS? WHY YOU COULD RAISE TEN KIDS

DETECTIVE VERONICA MARS? GET THAT TV SHOW SUSPENDED

MATT DAMON AND TAYLOR KITSCH ARE NOT MY FAVORITE MARTIANS

THAT WAS MAKE BELIEVE AND SO WAS RAY WALSTON

DON’T CARE FOR EITHER WELL(E)S WHETHER H.G. OR ORSON

LISTEN TO ME YELL—I NEED A REAL PERSON!

WANT PEOPLE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE SPIRIT AND CURIOSITY

WANT REAL VIKINGS AND MARINES TO MAKE UP MY LANDING PARTY

SHOW PERSEVERANCE AND YOU’LL SEE THAT THERE’S A POSSIBILITY

SO TAKE A SOJOURN OUT TO ME...YOU’LL HAVE REAL OPPORTUNITY

(BRYCE seems interested and lags behind CHLOE and DELANEY as they move further left)

HEY, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DON’T YOU IGNORE ME

COME OVER HERE, GET IN IT, YOU’VE GOT TO EXPLORE ME

DIG DEEP, NO LIMIT, YOU CAN TERRAFORM ME

THEN ONCE YOU LIVE IT, YOU’LL FIND YOU ADORE ME

BRYCE

(inches back towards MARS) So...what’s on MARS?

MARS

MY CANYON’S THE DEEPEST, FIVE TIMES YOUR GRANDEST

THOUSAND MILES IT’S THE LONGEST, MY VALLES MARINERIS

MY VOLCANO’S THE HIGHEST, TWICE WHAT IS EVEREST

HUNDRED MILES IT’S THE WIDEST, MY MONS OLYMPUS

I’VE GOT ONE NINTH EARTH’S MASS, MY DIAMETER’S HALF

YOUR WEIGHT HERE? DON’T ASK, YOU DO THE MATH

MY ORBITAL SPEED’S FIVE SIXTHS AS FAST,

CAUSE MY ASTRONOMICAL UNITS ARE ONE AND A HALF

SO EVERY TWO YEARS I SEE EARTH PASS

AS I CONTINUE ALONG MY ELLIPTICAL PATH

33.

BRYCE

Can you tell me anymore about MARS?

MARS

MORE?

SO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THIS GOD OF WAR

FROM MY OCHRE FLOOR OF IRON ORE TO MY SMALL IRON CORE

I’M AN OPEN DOOR, EXPLORE, GO NORTH, TAKE A TOUR

MY POLE’S GOT ICE GALORE, A MILE THICK OR MORE

MY AXIS TILTS LIKE YOURS, JUST A BIT MORE

SO MY SEASONS ARE FOUR AND EACH SUMMER THE ICE IS...LESS

DAILY HOURS ARE TWENTY-FOUR PLUS A HALF MORE

BUT MY YEAR’S NOT LIKE YOURS, NO, IT’S ALMOST TWICE MORE

SO’S MY LUNAR SCORE AS PHOBOS AND DEIMOS AVERAGE A DAY FOR THEIR ORBITAL TOUR

MY ATMOSPHERE? IT’S POOR...SO WHAT, YOU’LL LIVE INDOORS

BRYCE

Well...I don’t know.

MARS

LOOK, I MAY BE A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

THERE MAY BE A DANGER BUT YOU UNDERSTAND

TECH CAN BE A GAME CHANGER SO GO MAKE A PLAN

AND TAKE AN ADVENTURE...I KNOW THAT YOU CAN

BRYCE

So...if I went to MARS would I be the first person there?

MARS

Yes

BRYCE

Could I be governor of MARS?

MARS

You could be president of MARS!

34.

BRYCE

That does it! CHLOE, DELANEY—I’m going to MARS!

DELANEY

You need to stay with us. What happened to class secretary?

BRYCE

(responds with “MY ONE SHOT”, slowly at first)

HEY... I HAD A PLAN

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED

I HAVE A CHANCE

TO REARRANGE

MY LIFE’S...BEEN ON HOLD

BEEN AIMING LOW

CAN’T WAIT TO GET OLD

TIME TO ACT NOW...SO

HAVE TO BE BOLD

DONE WITH FROYO (dismissive to CHLOE and DELANEY)

TOOK MY OWN POLL RESULTS ONE TO OH

MARS GOT ME SOLD

I’VE GOT TO GO

SO WHEN MY STORY’S TOLD

EVERYONE WILL KNOW...

(after one line, MARS picks up the pattern and uses arms and body to spell out M-A-R-S. Think YMCA. After a few more lines, CHLOE hesitantly does the same. Pick up the pace now.)

I’LL HAVE A MAGNIFICENT, A TRAIL BLAZING, REVOLUTION MAKING, SUPER PRESIDENCY

I’LL BE MUNIFICENT, AMAZING, REAL SOLUTION BAKING, SCANDAL FREE

I’LL NEVER BE MALEFICENT, ANTAGONIZING, RESOLUTION BREAKING OR SCOUNDRELLY

MALEVOLENT, AVENGING, REPUTATION FAKING OR SLANDERLY

NOR MALICIOUS, ARROGANT, RUMOR MAKING OR SWAGGERLY

THEY’LL BE NO MALFEASANCE, AUTOCRACY OR RESIGNING SHAMEFULLY

35.

BRYCE (cont.)

I’LL BE FIRST AT GETTING THINGS DONE

I’LL BE A MARTIAN GEORGE WASHINGTON

ON YOUR SIDE NO MATTER WHERE YOU’RE FROM

REPRESENTATIVE OF EVERYONE

(MARS and CHLOE now enthusiastically spelling letters, looking for audience participation. DELANEY rolls eyes, refusing to join in.)

YOU’LL SEE THAT

MY ADMINISTRATION RULES SUCCESSFULLY

MOST AGREEABLY, REMARKABLY AND SPLENDIDLY

MANAGED ADMIRABLY, RESOURCEFULLY AND STATESMANLY

MEDIATING ALLIANCES RATHER SUCCESSFULLY

MAGNANIMOUSLY ADVOCATING RE—

DELANEY

—Yeah, yeah I get the M-A-R-S thing but you can’t go there.

BRYCE

(now angry)

YOU KNOW A HUNDRED FORTY MILLION MILES AGO I WAS THROWING A SKITTLE FIT

BUT I’M GROWING UP NOW, BIT BY LITTLE BIT

YOU SAY I CAN’T GO TO MARS, YOU THINK THIS KID’LL QUIT

I SAY I’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES, I THINK THIS KID’LL FIT

I WON’T VOTE RIGHT OR LEFT, I’LL JUST MIDDLE SIT

AND AS FOR MY TERM, WELL I’LL JUST LIMIT IT

I’M MOTIVATED, DETERMINED, I HAVE THAT CRITICAL GRIT

SO YOU JUST WATCH ME HERE, I’LL BE A POLITICAL HIT

DELANEY

You can’t be president of MARS. There wasn’t even an election.

BRYCE

SO THERE WAS NO ELECTION—BUT HEY, WAIT A MINUTE

THE ONE WITH THE MOST VOTES DOESN’T ALWAYS WIN IT

IF YOU THINK THAT’S A COP OUT THEN YOU CAN ALL KISS IT

CAUSE THIS IS MY ONE SHOT...AND I’M NOT GONNA MISS IT

36.

(gets a high five from MARS and defiantly leaves with MARS right. CHLOE follows halfway while DELANEY stays left. CHLOE and DELANEY have a different take on the situation which progresses to argument. They each address the audience.)

CHLOE DELANEY

S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it. S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it.

(CHLOE excitedly impressed, DELANEY incredulous)

CHLOE DELANEY

S/he had the shot right there and took it. S/he had the shot right there and took it

(CHLOE pumps fist enthusiastically, DELANEY mimes taking a photo with phone)

CHLOE

It was so bold, unprecedented.

DELANEY

It was cell phone documented.

CHLOE

Why NOT just go there?

DELANEY

Why not just stay HERE?

CHLOE

And s/he got to see the first four planets.

DELANEY

And s/he won’t get to see the last four planets.

(Now they angrily address each other, CHLOE moving slowly left towards DELANEY.)

37.

CHLOE

All you want to do is see.

DELANEY

You don’t know what you want to be.

CHLOE

Well...I kinda like this planet stuff.

DELANEY

Well you just don’t study enough.

CHLOE

Maybe if someone would teach me.

DELANEY

Maybe if you were more like me.

CHLOE

It’s not that I’m stupider, there’s just a lot I don’t know.

DELANEY

It’s a long way to Jupiter, we’ve got to go. (DELANEY storms off left, CHLOE reluctantly follows.)

38.

ACT I

Scene 8 - AISLE FIVE

SETTING: Empty stage except for a few small balls (like in a ball pit) on the floor stage right.(Skittle colors?)

AT RISE: DELANEY enters right, looking at phone, anxious to keep moving. CHLOE follows behind. More balls will be thrown at CHLOE from off stage.

CHLOE

(sees balls and picks up three.) What are these, toys?

DELANEY

They’re asteroids.

CHLOE

I don’t know what that is but they could be fun. (tries to juggle but a few more fly by or hit CHLOE and drops them)

DELANEY

They’re small rocky bodies that orbit the Sun. (A giant ball, like those two foot diameter exercise ones goes right at CHLOE from off stage. CHLOE frantically tried to dodge it and yells at DELANEY.)

CHLOE

You said they were small. I almost got pulverized.

DELANEY

Most are small but there’s one almost planet sized.

39.

CHLOE

What’s with the rhyming? You’re starting to sound like ALEX.

DELANEY

(annoyed) I don’t know.

CHLOE

Hey, and BRYCE did it before leaving with MARS.

DELANEY

Maybe we’re catching it from the planets. I guess we shouldn’t be getting too close to them. (more small balls come flying by and hit CHLOE who is now getting annoyed. None ever go towards DELANEY)

CHLOE

Are there any more big ones coming my way?

DELANEY

No, that was Ceres, the largest one by far.

CHLOE

(really frustrated by bombardment at this point) How many asteroids are there?

DELANEY

Oh there are millions of them. (as many balls as possible go towards CHLOE. Ideally a twenty gallon bucket of them dumped from above or smaller buckets thrown from off stage. DELANEY ignores all this)

40.

DELANEY

Let’s get going. I need to finish my mission. (exits left)

CHLOE

(forlorn, center stage, looking at audience) Let’s take a break. I need an intermission.

OFF STAGE VOICE

There will be an intermission while CHLOE and DELANEY make their way to Jupiter.

BLACKOUT

END OF ACT I

41.

ACT II

Scene 9 - ONE BIG PLANET

SETTING: The stage is empty. If there was a starry background in ACT I it is also in all of ACT II.

AT RISE: An announcement in the theater. A commotion down the aisle. Loud rock music starts.

OFF STAGE VOICE

Ladies and gentleman, we are approaching Jupiter. Please take your seats. We are approaching Jupiter.

(JUPITER comes down the aisle escorted by its four satellites: Four females throwing rose petals at the feet of a male? Four males carrying a female on a chair? Some combination of the above? There are twenty-three seconds of instrumental to get JUPITER on stage ready to sing. The satellites can get on with JUPITER or arrive on stage for their introduction in the second verse. CHLOE and DELANEY enter right shortly after JUPITER gets on stage. They watch from afar.)

ONE BIG PLANET (to the tune: Sharp Dressed Man)

JUPITER

COLORED CLOUDS RED SPOT

I’VE GOT LOTS OF THINGS YOU HAVEN’T GOT

THIN RINGS FASTEST SPIN

MY GIANT MASS IS GONNA PULL YOU IN

I’VE GOT NINETY-TWO MOONS AROUND ME

CAUSE NOTHING CAN RESIST MY GRA-VI-TY

42.

JUPITER (cont.)

(JUPITER introduces satellites who acknowledge their names.)

FOUR MOONS YOU CAN SEE

CALLISTO IO EUROPA GANYMEDE

STRONGEST MAGNETIC FIELD

I’M A PLANETARY COMET SHIELD

IN NINETY-FOUR I GRABBED SHOEMAKER LEVY

I’M THE BIGGEST SO THEY ALL MUST COME TO ME

(Satellites each grab multiple large, round posters which have one JUPITER factoid written on them. They parade around JUPITER who is obviously quite proud, displaying the posters one by one during the musical interlude, about five seconds for each one. CHLOE shows great interest in the information and enthusiastically tries to get DELANEY to notice but DELANEY ignores, buried in phone between glances up at JUPITER.)

{JUPITER has more than twice the mass of all other planets combined}

{JUPITER has the mass of 318 EARTHS}

{JUPITER’s diameter is ten times EARTH’s}

{You would weigh two and a half times as much on JUPITER’s surface}

{JUPITER’s Great Red Spot is a giant storm}

{You could fit two EARTH’s in it}

{A JUPITER year is almost 12 EARTH years long}

{JUPITER’s day is less than 10 hours long}

{JUPITER’s core temperature is 36,000 degrees F}

{JUPITER’s four largest moons were first seen by Galileo in 1610}

{GANYMEDE, the largest moon in the solar system is bigger than Mercury}

{IO is the most volcanically active world in the solar system}

{EUROPA may have a large water ocean beneath a smooth icy surface}

{CALLISTO has the most impact craters of any moon in the solar system}

43.

JUPITER(cont.)

MY HYDROGEN PRESSURE’S GREAT

IT’S IN A LIQUIFIED METALLIC STATE

MY CORE’S SUPER HOT

I GIVE THE BEST GRAVITATIONAL SLINGSHOT

ZEUS IS MY NAME IN ANCIENT GREEK LORE

THE REST OF YOU CAN CALL ME JU PI TOR

(As the song ends, JUPITER frantically tries to correct the mispronunciation while the satellites try to pull it off stage. JUPITER tries to impress CHLOE and DELANEY)

That’s JupiTER, Ju Pi TER, (spells)J-U-P-I-T-E-R. I’m the biggest planet. Bigger than all the others put together. I’ve got a really big red spot. Wanna see it? Come visit me.

(JUPITER resists as the satellites try to physically drag the planet off stage.)

That’s JupiTER. Biggest planet ever. I’ve got a lot more moons than these four. Come see them. I’m massive. Lots of gravity. Ju pi TER

(Finally dragged off right by satellites as CHLOE and DELANEY move left and music fades out.)

CHLOE

Well that was unusual. I guess we won’t be going to JUPITER.

DELANEY

It’s actually a very interesting place. The Juno probe arrived there in two thousand sixteen and took lots of measurements but if you want to know about a launch that was really successful, look up Cassini. That probe circled Saturn for years and finally ran out of fuel so they purposefully crashed it into the planet. You’ve got to see the video from the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory. It’s incredible. Check it out on their website or look on youtube. Look for the April fourth, two thousand seventeen video: Cassini’s Grand Finale.

44.

CHLOE

(taking out phone) Wait, what was that?

DELANEY

Cassini’s Grand Finale. Look for the video that is three minutes and forty-one seconds long.

CHLOE

(looking at phone) Oh, here it is...WOW.

DELANEY

No. Wait til you get home to look at it (glares at audience). We’ve got to keep moving. I think we’re almost to Saturn.

(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)

BLACKOUT

45.

ACT II

Scene 10 - LETTER TO CASSINI

SETTING: The stage is empty except for a table and chair, where SATURN sits left.

AT RISE: SATURN is writing at the table or typing on a laptop. The voice could be SATURN’s reading aloud or an off stage voice saying what SATURN is thinking. CHLOE and DELANEY enter right and observe respectfully, slowly moving left.

SATURN

My dearest Cassini,

September fifteenth, two thousand and seventeen. The last time I saw you. I’ve thought of you every day since then—and a day on SATURN is only ten and a half hours long. We were together for thirteen years, but I know you left EARTH seven years before I met you.

Sure, you weighed over twelve thousand pounds on takeoff, but most of that was fuel and of course my seven hundred and seventy pound souvenir. You slimmed down to under five thousand pounds by the time I met you...not bad for a twenty-two foot long thirteen foot wide bundle of science with over eight miles of wire.

Yes, I did have a few other probes fly by me before, but nothing that ever entered my orbit. And to be honest I know that you saw JUPITER on the way here, but just used it for a gravitational slingshot. I know I was the first planet you ever orbited. I’m sure of that.

You sent thousands of pictures of me to EARTH but it took over an hour for the radio waves to get there, so they never really saw us live.

46.

SATURN (cont.)

And what a wonderful picture you took of my great white storm. Bigger than JUPITER’s red spot...a lot bigger (grins and nods but does not write the last three words).

There were photos of my creamy yellow clouds of ammonia...my crazy powerful lightning storms...my giant north pole hexagonal hurricane. You visited many of my moons… IAPETUS MIMAS TETHYS DIONE RHEA HELENE You even discovered seven new moons. That gives me eighty-three. (says but does not write)

Nine less than that...JUPITER.

And who could forget your fly by within thirty miles of my moon ENCELADUS. Your picture of the giant water geysers there showed evidence for an underground salty ocean of water around its core. Word is ENCELADUS is the most likely place in the solar system besides EARTH that could harbor life. Living things on ENCELADUS? I’ll never tell.

And of course your visit to my TITAN. The largest moon in the solar system.

(While SATURN stops writing and daydreams, GANYMEDE comes out right and addresses audience. CHLOE and DELANEY continue to observe and move slowly left.)

GANYMEDE

Hold on a minute. Now it’s true that SATURN’s white storm is larger than JUPITER’s red one, but the red one is always there and SATURN’s just shows up every summer—which is once every twenty-nine years for you Earthlings. And TITAN is not the largest moon. It’s big alright but not quite as large as me, GANYMEDE. I’m seventy-one miles wider. Just saying. (exits right)

47.

SATURN

TITAN...almost the largest moon in the solar system, with its rivers and lakes of methane. You sent the Huygens lander by parachute to settle down there. I’ll always have that as a memento of our relationship.

You stayed with me so much longer than either of us expected. The more you accomplished, the more those NASA scientists gave you to do until...you ran out of fuel. And rather than risk you crashing into one of my moons where just maybe you might contaminate life there, they decided to send you to me. But first they had you make twenty-two daring dives through that space between me and my rings. Up and down, in and out, where nothing has been before. And then speeding all the way into my atmosphere where you... burned up.

Your spectrometer, your cosmic dust analyzer, your magnetometer and all the other instruments on board disintegrated and rained down on my surface. And those seventy-three pounds of radioactive plutonium that powered them. Scattered all over me. It still tickles. (absorbed in thought)

I wonder when that Dragonfly is going to show up? (with a bit of a mischievous smile)

CHLOE

(to DELANEY) I guess we better let SATURN have some alone time.

(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)

BLACKOUT

48.

ACT II

Scene 11 - NOT A HUMAN

SETTING: The stage is empty

AT RISE: CHLOE and DELANEY enter right

CHLOE

What’s with the dragonfly thing?

DELANEY

NASA is planning on sending a quadcopter drone to land on TITAN. Then it will be able to fly in its atmosphere to explore and look for signs of life.

CHLOE

That’s incredible, how can they do that?

DELANEY

No time to explain, you can check out the NASA Dragonfly video on youtube–when you get home. (sternly directed at audience) We’ve got to get to the next planet.

CHLOE

Oh no, I know what the next planet is. I do not want to go to your anus.

DELANEY

It’s YOOR-unus

CHLOE

I don’t care. I do not want to see your anus.

DELANEY

YOOR-unus. The emphasis is on the first syllable.

CHLOE

Look, there’s your anus now.

49.

DELANEY

Sssshh! Not so loud. (looking at URANUS who has entered left) Uh oh. Too late.

(Music begins, URANUS approaches, circling CHLOE, staring. URANUS wears all clothes the same gray color with a matching coat which is closed. When the coat is opened later in the song, the inside is lined with diamonds and there is a wide gem encrusted belt. URANUS sings NOT A HUMAN (Second Sound) to the tune Only Human (Second Wind). The Galilean satellites can sing backup if they like.

URANUS

BEING A PLANET ISN’T FUN WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME

WHEN THEY THINK THAT A BODY PART AND I SORTA SOUND THE SAME (CHLOE snickers and URANUS angrily points)

THAT’S NOT NICE, IN FACT IT’S SOMETHING I REALLY HATE

I’M NOT A HUMAN, I DON’T HAVE TO DEFECATE

THE ANCIENTS NAMED PLANETS FOR THE ROMAN GODS

AND AFTER FIVE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THEY’RE DONE

SO WHY DID I GET THE NAME OF THE GREEK SKY GOD

WHEN I WAS DISCOVERED BACK IN SEVENTEEN EIGHTY-ONE?

DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND

FOUR BILLION YEARS OLD AND ONLY RECENTLY FOUND

THEY SAID I WAS FEATURELESS BACK WHEN VOYAGER 2 CLOSED IN

THAT NONE OF MY MOONS WERE LARGE AND ALL OF MY RINGS WERE THIN

THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT HEY TAKE A LOOK INSIDE

CHECK OUT WHAT’S IN THIS ICE GIANT AND THEN MAYBE YOU CAN DECIDE

(opens up one side of coat and then the other. Takes off coat (and belt?) and hands it to CHLOE who is fascinated by it.)

50.

I’VE GOT A BIG OCEAN FILLED WITH METHANE SLUSH THAT HAS DIAMONDS RAINING TO THE FLOOR

AND THERE JUST MAY BE A THICK GEMSTONE CRUST THAT GOES COMPLETELY AROUND MY ENTIRE CORE

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

DON’T VIEW THE COVER AND THEN GO JUDGE THE BOOK

I MAY BE THE COLDEST PLANET NOW AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO FREEZE

BUT IF YOU DIG A LOT DEEPER DOWN I GO UP NINE THOUSAND DEGREES

SO HOLD ON...AND TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK PLEASE

(During instrumental, URANUS lies down and rolls left to right with head facing audience. CHLOE is perplexed.)

DO YOU KNOW I’M THE ONLY PLANET THAT SPINS ON ITS SIDE (while prone, then to sitting position for next line)

BUT IT’S NOT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT I GOT TO DECIDE (now stands up)

SO I ROLL LIKE A MARBLE INSTEAD OF S-S-S-SPIN LIKE A TOP

AND MY NORTH POLE GETS SUN FORTY-TWO YEARS NON STOP

MAYBE MY SURFACE DOESN’T FASCINATE AND MY NAME LOOKS LIKE ANATOMY

SO I ASK YOU TWO THINGS—GET YOUR ACCENTS STRAIGHT AND TAKE SOME TIME TO REALLY GET TO KNOW ME

DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND

NINETY-NINE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED MILES AROUND

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

DON’T VIEW MY COVER AND THINK YOU KNOW THIS BOOK

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK...SECOND LOOK (URANUS goes to exit right and get back coat but CHLOE wants to learn more. URANUS explains things to CHLOE who listens intently while DELANEY waits impatiently.)

51.

DELANEY

Let’s finish up and see NEPTUNE.

CHLOE

There’s no reason for us to go there. YOOR-unus tells me that NEPTUNE is another ice giant, virtually identical to it in size and chemical composition. It’s internal structure is likely the same as YOOR-unus and it’s another ten point nine astronomical units further away.

(Looks to audience, palms out, asking for some love. DELANEY looks to audience in amazement.)

That’s almost another billion miles to go. It was less than that from SUNNY’s to SATURN and we saw six planets in that distance. Besides, I’ve got to get back and do some reading.

DELANEY

What are you going to read? (incredulously)

CHLOE

I’ve got a lot of studying to do. I’m going to be an Earth and space science teacher.

DELANEY

But I’ve seen seven planets, I’ve got to see the last one.

CHLOE

We gotta get back. (grabs DELANEY and pulls stage right. DELANEY initially fights back but then reluctantly goes and they exit right with Uranus.)

52.

ACT II

Scene 12 - NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE)

SETTING: The stage is empty.

AT RISE: A commotion is heard off stage.

DELANEY appears, perhaps from a side entrance rather than from the stage.

DELANEY randomly runs through the audience yelling, clearly lost, obsessed, mumbling about seeing the last planet. The music begins and NEPTUNE enters stage left. In the seventeen second musical introduction, DELANEY sees NEPTUNE and is overcome with emotion. Afterall, NEPTUNE is a beautiful planet. Exactly what DELANEY says upon seeing NEPTUNE could be based on how the song ending is played out, but the emphasis is that DELANEY finds that seeing the eighth planet was far more than just a sighting. As NEPTUNE sings and moves towards center stage, DELANEY moves very slowly towards the stage, transfixed.

DELANEY tries but is unable to climb up on stage so goes around and enters stage right during the second half of the song. Amazed by the planet, DELANEY moves towards NEPTUNE slowly, the planet unaware. They encounter each other after the last word of the song.

53.

NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE) (to the tune Superman(Not Easy))

I KNOW I’M NO MARS

NO WAY I’M THAT NEAR

MAN WILL NEVER FLY

HALF A THOUSANDTH ‘A LIGHT YEAR

I’M SO FAR AWAY BUT OH IF YOU KNEW

METHANE MAKES ME SUCH A PRETTY SHADE OF BLUE

BUT IT’S NOT EASY TO SEE ME

I WISH I WASN’T FAR

AND YOU WERE CLOSE TO ME

THEN YOU WOULDN’T NEED

A TELESCOPE TO SEE

THAT I HAVE GOT RINGS AND ONCE A DARK SPOT

OH BUT SATURN AND JUPITER I’M NOT

I’VE GOT A LARGE MOON I CALL IT TRITON

THOUGH IT’S NOT AS LARGE AS YOUR ONLY ONE

OH HOW I WISH YOU COULD SEE ME

I’M SO FAR AWAY AND MOVE SO SLOW

THAT DID YOU KNOW IT’S A HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE YEARS TO GO

AROUND THE SUN

JUST ONE TIME

I’M GOD OF THE SEA

IN ROMAN MYTHOLOGY

YET SPEEDING CLOUDS ARE MY POWER

AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

I HAVE FOURTEEN MOONS, SIXTEEN HOUR DAY

BUT WHAT’S THE ONLY THING THEY EVER SAY

THAT FOR TWENTY YEARS, UNTIL NINETY-NINE

PLUTO’S ORBIT SLIPPED INSIDE OF MINE

THAT MADE ME NINE

NOW BACK AT EIGHT

BUT IT’S TOO LATE

POOR PLUTO’S FATE

54.

NEPTUNE(CONT.)

I’M FURTHEST AWAY

BUT MAYBE SOMEDAY

YOU’LL TRAVEL TWELVE YEARS MY WAY

I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE VOYAGER 2

I KNOW IT’S...HARD...TO...DO

PLEASE

COME VISIT

(DELANEY now: -approaches NEPTUNE or-touches NEPTUNE’s right shoulder or -they embrace)

BLACKOUT

55.

ACT II

Scene 13 - LINEUP

SETTING: The stage is empty

AT RISE: The planets except for MR. and MRS. EARTH enter left and line up randomly to take a bow. SUNNY comes out for a bow, looks back to acknowledge planets—and is aghast to find them out of order. Frantically arranges them in proper order, asks for more applause and steps aside.

Planet line opens up so that MR. and MRS. EARTH can take their proper place.

Galilean satellites (and all other students) come out for a bow. Three of them run into audience to find a willing member to bring up on stage. The fourth grabs the PLUTO poster and gives to the volunteer who proudly displays it and takes the place next to NEPTUNE.

ALEX comes out right and goes to congratulate PLUTO, then goes to MR. and MRS. EARTH for hugs and takes the place between them.

BRYCE comes out right for a bow and takes place between MARS and JUPITER

CHLOE and DELANEY come out together right for a bow and take place between NEPTUNE and URANUS

CURTAIN

56.

QUESTIONS, DISCUSSIONS, ACTIVITIES

Where does the word planet come from?
Make a plan for a scale model of the solar system for both distance and planet size. Can you see it without a telescope or microscope? Why not?
SUNNY rhymes about the yogurt shop but is also describing the science of the Sun. What is the simplified solar fusion reaction and how does SUNNY relate that to the students in eight steps?
SUNNY is always working. What word in physics is equivalent to work?
Why is half the work unseen?
What is an order of magnitude?
Who does the man behind the curtain refer to? Do you agree that SUNNY is not like him?
What is perihelion precession?
What is Mercury’s precession famous for?
Could there really be a place on Mercury that is the perfect temperature for humans? Write a short story about a group of people who attempt to live in such a place and what they might need to do to stay in that habitable zone.
What is the difference between a solar and sidereal day?
Make a model or poster to show how they differ on Venus.
What is the greenhouse gas effect?
What is the carbon dioxide level on Venus compared to Earth?
Describe the phases of the Moon and how they are portrayed in Living Room Scene and Twilight Talk.
What is the “youngest” Moon(hours after new moon) that has ever been sighted with the naked eye?

57.

What do you think of a manned mission to Mars?
What are the main obstacles to a manned Mars colony?
What is terraforming?
What are the two factors that determine the surface gravity of a planet?
Based on the information in More Real, what is the surface gravity on Mars compared to Earth?
Give the background of the ten cultural references to Mars in More Real (nine are easy to find, the tenth one is tougher).
What is a gravitational slingshot and how does it work?
What was the significance of Galileo’s sighting of Jupiter’s four moons?

Describe the route Cassini took to Saturn.
Prepare a report on the Dragonfly mission.
How could diamonds possibly be so common on Uranus?
What is an astronomical unit?
Describe the Voyager 1 and 2 space probe missions.
Would a beam of light really take “half a thousandth ‘a light year” to get from Earth to Neptune?
Should Pluto be a planet? To make a truly informed decision, first read: How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown and Chasing New Horizons by Alan Stern and David Grinspoon

58.

COMBINATIONS AND PERMUTATIONS

Do you relate to any of the characters in WANDER? Perhaps you see yourself as a mixture of a few of them. How many different ways could you combine two or three of the characters? You can’t choose MR. or MRS. EARTH and you certainly can’t be SUNNY.

So there are seven planets remaining (let’s call MERCURY “Y”, and MARS “Z” and then there’s V,J,S,U and N) and the four students A,B,C and D for a total of eleven. If you were to consider a person who takes after three of the eleven, how many unique individuals could you make? If you imagine instead there were ten choices you might think that would be like saying how many different numbers can you make by choosing three numbers. The answer is one thousand, that is, 000 to 999, or 10x10x10. But that involves many instances of repeating the same number and we must have three different numbers if we are to apply that to our fictional character.

Going back to ten numbers, after choosing the first digit there are only nine choices for the second and eight for the third so that gives 10x9x8=720 that can be made without repeating a digit. But that’s still too many. To see why, think about making a pizza by choosing three different toppings. Is there any difference between pepperoni, sausage and mushroom(my favorite) and sausage, mushroom, and pepperoni? Of course not, it doesn’t matter what order the toppings were put on. Likewise 538 and 385 are unique numbers but from a pizza—or personality—standpoint, they are identical. So instead of counting how many permutations we can make, in which the order is important, we want to calculate how many combinations we can make. The order doesn’t matter when making combinations.

In order to make this calculation we must use the factorial function, which is designated by an exclamation point! Since we are picking three characters, we want to know how many different ways we can arrange three items. That would be 3! or 3x2x1=6. (such as A,B,C; A,C,B; B,A,C; B,C,A; C,A,B; C,B,A)

59.

Again looking at the 720 permutations of three numbers without repeating, we realize that there are six different ways of arranging any three numbers so we end up with 720/6=120 different combinations. And with pizzas and people it’s combinations that count.

So now let’s answer the original question picking three of the eleven characters available. There are eleven choices for the first, ten for the second and nine for the third and 11x10x9=990. Since order doesn’t matter we have to divide by the six different ways of listing three items and 990/6=165. Thus we can create 165 unique individuals by picking three of the eleven characters.

But perhaps you see yourself perfectly portrayed by just two characters. How many unique people can we make from eleven choosing two? Using the same approach, there are eleven choices for the first and ten for the second and 11x10=110. There are two ways of ordering two items and since order doesn’t matter we divide 110 by 2 to get 55. Of course if you were to pick just one character there are eleven possibilities.

To sum things up, there are 11+55+165=231 possible personalities obtainable by picking either one, two or three of the eleven characters.

By convention (meaning I just decided it), letters are listed alphabetically. Maybe you can find yourself among the 231.

Rob (ADU)

If you’ve actually read through this whole explanation, perhaps you can find someone who’s lively, loving and lonely. NSY anyone?

60.

FAIR USE

Five of the planets sing songs that are parodies of hit songs from the past. While the lyrics have been completely changed, the melody, rhyme scheme and theme of the original is copied. Is this allowed without permission of the authors?

The original songs have all been copyrighted and are protected by the Copyright Act, however a section(#107) of the act allows for the fair use of the material without permission. There are no hard and fast rules to decide whether this fair use doctrine would be allowed as each situation is judged on the benefit of the new work to society balanced against the rights of the copyright owners. There are however very clear guidelines as to how to evaluate these competing claims.

A parody of a song, like those in WANDER, brings up the original work by imitating some aspect of it, often for humorous intent. While parodies are generally allowed under the fair use doctrine, more intense examination is required to see if the new work truly qualifies. This is done by evaluating four factors in each case. While there has been a great deal written, and many cases decided based on these, they remain merely guidelines with no formula available to predict the outcome. Let’s look at these four factors and how they relate to WANDER.

1)The purpose of the new work, which in this case is educational and non commercial, is viewed very favorably.

2)The nature of the copyrighted work, which as songs are highly creative makes fair use less likely.

3)The amount of the copyrighted work used, in this case the entire melody works against fair use but does not by itself mean that fair use is denied.

4)The effect of the use upon the potential market, in this case is negligible as no one would ever see the parody as a replacement for purchasing the original.

61.

A final analysis requires going back to number 1 and asking whether the new work is transformative or merely supersedes (takes the place of) the original. This was a key factor in the 1994 Supreme Court 9-0 decision that allowed 2 Live Crew to record their version of the Roy Orbison hit Pretty Woman. Justice Souter wrote: “the more transformative the new work, the less will be the significance of other factors...that may weigh against a finding of fair use”

Transform means to change. Do the songs in WANDER bring up the original yet add new meaning? Absolutely. In each case, the main theme of the original, brought to mind by the melody(or course the point is to use the whole song) is maintained yet by changing the perspective from a person (or superhero) to a giant sphere of rock, gas or ice, the message is completely altered—for educational purpose. This is the heart of parody.

Consider the five songs:

ORIGINAL - Marrakesh Express by Graham Nash, 1969. A fast paced song about a train “traveling through clear Moroccan skies”, Nash describes what he sees.

WANDER - Mercury Express is a fast planet speeding around the Sun as it describes itself.

Coincidentally, the song before this one on the album is: Suite:Judy Blue Eyes, which is about...

Judy Collins...sings Stephen Sondheim’s 1973 Send in the Clowns about a seemingly well matched couple but bad timing prevents them from being together.

WANDER - Too Many Clouds is about two planets so similar and near to each other but clouds prevent visits.

ORIGINAL - Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top, 1983 Dusty Hill of ZZ Top says “It’s all in your head. If you feel sharp you be sharp.

WANDER - One Big Planet Jupiter believes it’s the planet with the mostest.

62.

ORIGINAL - You’re Only Human(Second Wind), 1985 Billy Joel encourages depressed teens to work past difficulties and wait for things to improve.

WANDER - Not A Human(Second Sound) An unremarkable planet with a funny name asks visitors to look a little deeper to find value.

ORIGINAL - Superman(Not Easy) by Five for Fighting, 2001 Just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean life is easy.

WANDER - Neptune(Not Easy To See) Just because you’re a big beautiful planet doesn’t mean you can be seen and appreciated.

The most well known parodist, “Weird Al” Yankovic, does get permission to perform his work but it is widely felt that he is not required to do this. If his work, which is commercial and hardly educational, qualifies as fair use, there is no question that the songs of WANDER are fair use as well.

Script

WANDER

by Rob Kramer
(603)856-5438
wandertheplay@gmail.com
wandertheplay.com

Cast of Characters

TEACHER, dismissive

STUDENT, inclusive

OTHER STUDENTS, not as nice; easily double cast as Jupiter’s satellites

ALEX/AVA, quiet and serious, the only child of Mr. and Mrs. Earth;

BRYCE/BROOKE, well intentioned political goals but making little progress;

CARTER/CHLOE, jokes around and takes nothing seriously; a poor student with no plans for the future

DYLAN/DELANEY, studious, knows everything about the solar system; not strong in the relationship department

SUNNY, middle aged, outspoken owner of the eponymous yogurt shop

MERCURY, hyperactive, never stops moving

VENUS, very sad

MR. EARTH, middle aged

MRS. EARTH, middle aged

MARS, lotta attitude, wears something red

JUPITER, self promoter

IO, Jupiter’s

EUROPA, four satellites;

CALLISTO, enthusiastic

GANYMEDE, poster holders

SATURN, love letter writer

URANUS, proud of being the seventh planet

NEPTUNE, desperately hoping for a visitor, wears something blue

Place - your town

Time - present, end of school day

Production Notes

Author’s Note

WANDER is a play about four students who search for the planets and find themselves. It is the only play that is science based—almost two hundred solar system facts—yet the story remains relevant for those without an interest in astronomy. It is a two act play that is a little over an hour plus an intermission. Ideally suited for a school performance, there is a cast of twenty that has complete gender flexibility and a dozen characters that have a stand out opportunity.

ACT I

Scene 1 - DISMISSED

SETTING: The curtain is closed and students in the audience are talking and moving about.

CHLOE is seated in a front row and gets up to leave.

TEACHER

CHLOE, class isn’t over yet

(The bell rings and TEACHER gives up.

CHLOE and many other students, some who were seated, move to the front and climb up on the stage in front of the curtain.

DELANEY attempts to climb up but is unable and walks stage right to use the stairs. The students break up into three groups, noisily chatting.

ALEX is in the left group, BRYCE in the middle and CHLOE in the right. DELANEY is all alone far right. They quiet down for announcements and then when one group has lines, the others freeze)

OFF STAGE VOICE

Congratulations on finishing another day at (state your school name) A few announcements before dismissal: -Sports teams have their first practice this afternoon.

-Student council meets right after school today.

-Career exploration day is next week. Make sure you’re prepared.

-Have a nice day everyone.

(STUDENT enters left and addresses first group)

STUDENT

Hey, I was thinking of going to the mall. Anyone want to go? (other students in group nod agreeably except for ALEX)

ALEX

I have chores to do at home before sunset...so...no.

OTHER STUDENT

Can’t your brother or sister get them done?

ALEX

That would be nice, but siblings, I don’t have one.

STUDENT

Okay, maybe next time. (all the students in the first group move to the next group except for ALEX who remains alone)

STUDENT

We’ve got a group going to the mall. Anyone interested?

OTHER STUDENTS

Yeah, sure.

BRYCE No, there’s a student council meeting I want to go to.

STUDENT But you’re not on council.

OTHER STUDENT Yeah, remember you got zero votes when you ran last year.

BRYCE Well, maybe I could go and take some pictures.(pulls out phone) Is there a place in the room where—

STUDENT —It happens to be no phones allowed, and only council and class officers can attend.

BRYCE Oh...(dejectedly) then I guess I could run for class secretary.

STUDENT So how about joining us?

BRYCE No, I’ll pass (BRYCE stays while the enlarging group moves right)

STUDENT Who’s up for the mall?

CHLOE No, I have practice this afternoon.

OTHER STUDENT Didn’t you see? They posted rosters this morning. You didn’t make the team. Well, I guess you won’t be getting an academic or an athletic scholarship (some laugh).

STUDENT Hey, knock it off. CHLOE, you could still go with us. (CHLOE is still stunned and shakes head no. The larger group now moves right to DELANEY.)

STUDENT DELANEY, we’re going to the mall. Want to come?

DELANEY Well...

OTHER STUDENT Oh yeah, you have to study, right?

DELANEY I’d like to go but...

STUDENT That’s okay. Maybe next time. (The large group exits right, leaving ALEX, BRYCE, CHLOE and DELANEY standing alone across the stage. TEACHER comes by.)

TEACHER School’s been dismissed. Don’t you kids have someplace you need to be?

(ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE move slowly towards each other, DELANEY remains stage right. The mood is downbeat.)

BRYCE Anyone want to get something to eat?

CHLOE Sure.

ALEX How about frozen yogurt at SUNNY’S? Hey DELANEY, want to go?

(DELANEY nods in agreement, all exit left)

BLACKOUT

ACT I

Scene 2 - SUNNY’S

SETTING: A brightly lit shop with a small stand stage right where payment is taken and cups handed out.

An enormous round yellow sign on or behind the stand: SUNNY’S FROZEN YOGURT. Helium balloons, or a depiction of some are tied to the sign/stand.

AT RISE: SUNNY is busily cleaning the store. BRYCE, CHLOE and DELANEY enter right. They are now laughing, loud and boisterous. The mood is upbeat. ALEX follows quietly behind.

CHLOE You know what, I really didn’t want to play for that coach anyway.

BRYCE I don’t blame you. And it’s good that I didn’t get student council. Now I can go after that class officer position that opened up.

DELANEY They were right. I actually was going to go home and study.

SUNNY ALEX, nice to see you, what’s new, what’s up?

ALEX SUNNY, nice to see you, I’ll have one large cup.

DELANEY Me too. (goes to pay)

BRYCE No, I’ve got this. Four large cups please. (pays with phone)

SUNNY Anything more for you kids?

ALEX Just four spoons please, no lids. (they go to the machines to get frozen yogurt)

CHLOE ALEX, what are you going to get?

ALEX Did you forget? Always chocolate.

CHLOE How about you BRYCE?

BRYCE I’m going to have a little of everything and top it off with a whole lotta marshmallow.

CHLOE DELANEY?

DELANEY I want to try something new, something far out. How about... nectarine? Hey CHLOE, what are you doing?

CHLOE I’m filling up with Skittles.

DELANEY You can’t have just Skittles.

CHLOE Why not? I can fill up with anything I want and I want Skittles.

DELANEY But it’s a frozen yogurt store. You have to have some frozen yogurt, right? (CHLOE goes to the table and is distracted/bumped by DELANEY and spills the cup of Skittles on the floor and table. They look around nervously)

CHLOE Clean up in aisle five! (CHLOE yells, BRYCE and DELANEY laugh, ALEX not amused) (SUNNY cleans up floor but not table, putting Skittles in recycling. While SUNNY intermittently addresses students, they never acknowledge it. SUNNY’S rants—and they are definitely rants—may be directed to the students, the audience or no one. When students speak, SUNNY stays busy cleaning)

SUNNY

ALEX CHLOE, why don’t you try one of the frozen yogurt flavors?

CHLOE Okay, let’s see, I’ll have...ube! (goes back to machine)

DELANEY What’s ube?

CHLOE It’s...purple (with mild disgust)

ALEX Ube is a tuberous root, it’s a vegetable, not a fruit. (they sit down to eat)

BRYCE Well when I’m governor, people will be able to fill up their cups with whatever they want at froyo stores.

CHLOE There’s no chance you’re ever going to be governor.

ALEX Well, (your state’s) population is x.y million. So you do have a chance, like 1000/x.y in a billion. (insert your state’s population and do the math)

BRYCE You just watch. I’ll start off small, like class secretary and work my way up. So what are you going to do ALEX?

ALEX I’m not sure, there are a lot of things I’m thinking about. My parents want me to stay at home and help them out.

BRYCE Well, like what are you thinking of?

ALEX Maybe a scientist...an economist...an artist...a psychologist...

BRYCE What do your parents want you to do?

ALEX They have a home business they want me to take over. They say it’s in desperate need of a makeover.

BRYCE And CHLOE?

CHLOE What?

10.

BRYCE What are your plans?

CHLOE For what?

BRYCE Like for career day, what kind of job do you want to do?

CHLOE Hmmm, I don’t know. I never really thought about it. What are you going to do DELANEY?

DELANEY I’m going to be an astronaut and go see all the planets. (This gets SUNNY’S immediate attention and listens closely to the conversation.)

BRYCE All the way to Pluto?

DELANEY No, only as far as Neptune. Pluto used to be considered a planet but in two thousand six it was reclassified as a Kuiper belt object.

CHLOE A what?

DELANEY Kuiper belt objects orbit the Sun beyond Neptune, there are millions of them. Pluto’s just the largest one.

ALEX (angry) That wasn’t fair, they had no right to can it. I’ve seen Pluto and it’s a beautiful planet.

CHLOE How can you see Pluto?

11.

DELANEY The New Horizons probe reached it in two thousand fifteen and took lots of great photos.

CHLOE Have all the other planets been explored?

DELANEY Yes, but we’ve only been out to Neptune once. That was the Voyager 2 probe which was launched in nineteen seventy-seven and reached Neptune in eighty-nine.

SUNNY (returns to clean up floor again)

FOUR LITTLE ONES I CAN’T IGNORE

BOUNCING AROUND IN MY STORE

DON’T HAVE A NEURON IN THEIR CORE (points at CHLOE’s head)

THEIR ENERGY IS ON THE FLOOR

I’LL PUT THE PRESSURE ON ALL FOUR

REALLY IMPROVE MY BALLOON SCORE (points to balloons on sign)

I’LL GET THEM TO WORK SOME MORE

THEN GIVE THEM A SWIFT KICK OUT THE DOOR (Students go back to their froyo and ignore SUNNY who puts Skittles in recycling bin)

CHLOE It’s really hot in here

12.

DELANEY Yeah but this nectarine is cold and tastes great.

BRYCE And I’m really enjoying my marshmallow.

SUNNY YOU KNOW THE FLAVORS YOU SAVOR PLUS THE MIDDLE SNACK

I’M THEIR SAVIOR, NEVER WAVER, I KEEP BRINGING THEM BACK

LIKE CLOCKWORK I’M AT WORK FOR THE FLAVORS YOU KNOW (puzzled, pointing at last machine)

I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET ANY PISTACHIO

EIGHT MACHINES NEVER EMPTY OR BROKEN, NO WASTE

SAME FLAVORS, SAME TASTES SINCE I OPENED THIS PLACE

ALMOST FIVE YEARS IT’S BEEN ONLY MY FACE

ALMOST FIVE YEARS NEVER OUT OF THIS SPACE

DO YOU THINK THAT I’M BOASTING? I’M BRAGGING? I’M RUDE?

THEN MULTIPLY BY NINE ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE

(Students completely ignore SUNNY.)

BRYCE We need to come back here. How about tomorrow or next weekend?

DELANEY No, yesterday I saw it was dark in here by six and I think they’re closed on Sunday. Besides, it’s too bright in here.

SUNNY YOU BET I’M BRIGHT, I’M JUST THE RIGHT LIGHT

I’M ALWAYS IN SIGHT, FOR ME THERE’S NO NIGHT

I’M NOT CLOSED SUNDAY, NEVER CLOSED EVEN ONE DAY

OPEN MIDNIGHT, TWILIGHT, DAWN, MY LIGHT’S ALWAYS ON

MY PRODUCT’S WORLDWIDE, MY WORK’S MULTIPLIED

VACATION? DENIED. SICK CALL? I’VE TRIED

I’VE NO PLACE TO HIDE ON MY TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN RIDE

SO IF YOU THINK IT’S DARK IN HERE...YOU’RE JUST ON THE WRONG SIDE (Again ignored by students who are eating their yogurt)

13.

SUNNY GO AHEAD, IGNORE ME—BUT KNOW—THERE WAS NOTHING HERE BEFORE ME

OF COURSE IT’S MY FORCE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING GO

I’M THE BOSS, THE POWER SOURCE, THE STAR OF THIS SHOW

MY VALUE’S ENORMOUS, YOURS—NOT EVEN PLANETESIMAL

MY ENERGY’S ALMOST INFINITE, YOURS—INFINITESIMAL

I’M WEIGHTY, I’VE GOT GRAVITAS, HALF MY WORK’S UNSEEN

I’M NOT JUST PULLING HANDLES ON YOGURT MACHINES

SO LET’S GET ONE THING ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN...

I’M NOT THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN (Students get up to leave, taking cups with them)

ALEX There are a lot of things I need to do. I’ve got to get home, how about you?

BRYCE I want to work on my campaign for class secretary.

CHLOE I want to finish my ube.

DELANEY I want to see all the planets. I really want to see all the planets.

CHLOE You’re dreaming just like BRYCE. Not gonna happen.

DELANEY No, I’m serious. Someday I am going to see the planets.

14.

SUNNY SO AMBITIOUS, S/HE’S GREAT, OH MY ISN’T S/HE

TRYING TO SEE ALL EIGHT, ALL MY PROGENY

WHY SHOULD S/HE WAIT TO FULFILL DESTINY

SO IF PLANETS WILL SATE, THEN IT’S PLANETS S/HE’LL SEE

I’LL CHANGE ORBITAL RATES, DEFY GRAVITY

AND WITH EACH PLANET STRAIGHT, IN A LINE UP WITH ME

OUTER SPACE WILL DEFLATE, THEY’LL BE SIMPLE TO SEE

THEN I’LL OPEN A GATE, TO A FANTASY

OF A MAGICAL STATE, WHERE THOSE KIDS WILL BE

WITH AN AMBLING GAIT, PLANET HOP EASILY

SO THEY CAN SEE ALL EIGHT...BUT LOOK CAUTIOUSLY

FOR EACH PLANET AWAITS, THEY WANT COMPANY

AND THEN AS THEY RELATE, THOSE KIDS JUST MAY SEE

THAT THE LINES THAT THEY STATE, WILL RHYME JUST LIKE ME

HOPE I’M NOT TOO LATE TO DO MY WIZARDRY

SO THEY HAVE A DATE TO VIEW MY SYZYGY AND FIND THAT WHAT THEY ATE MAY BE THEIR REALITY

AND DETERMINE THEIR FATE...OR WILL IT...WE’LL SEE

(BLACKOUT)

15.

ACT I

Scene 3 - MERCURY EXPRESS

SETTING: The stage is empty with a dark background, possibly with stars on it.

AT RISE: MERCURY sprints across the stage repeatedly, entering left, exiting right. Students enter right tentatively, looking around at their new environment.

MERCURY enters again and after seeing students stays on stage but never stops moving.

BRYCE This doesn’t look like the way home. Where did the buildings go?

DELANEY I’ve a feeling we’re not in (your state) anymore.

CHLOE It’s like we’re in this big empty place.

ALEX Big yes. Empty no. Welcome to outer space.

CHLOE Well then who’s speedy?

ALEX That’s MERCURY

CHLOE Wow, really fast. Have we ever managed to explore it?

DELANEY Only once with the Messenger probe. It’s really hard to catch up to.(Music begins. MERCURY briefly acknowledges ALEX who reciprocates. BRYCE tries to get a photo but is frustrated by MERCURY’s constant movement and gives up. CHLOE shows mild interest in MERCURY. DELANEY looks at phone.)

16.

MERCURY EXPRESS (to the tune: Marrakesh Express)

SPEEDING ROUND THE SUN HUNDRED THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

EIGHTY EIGHT DAYS AND THEN YOU’LL BE ONE MORE YEAR OLDER

EIGHT HUNDRED DEGREES IN THE LIGHT MINUS TWO EIGHTY IN THE NIGHT

SOMEWHERE THERE HAS TO BE A PLACE FOR YOU

SMALLEST PLANET NOW THAT PLUTO’S BEEN KICKED OUT

ORBIT FOLLOWS THE MOST ELLIPTICAL ROUTE

GOT NO MOONS THAT STAY WITH ME

MAYBE IT’S LOW GRAVITY

BUT I THINK IT’S VELOCITY DON’T YOU

COME ON AND CATCH ME I’M THE MERCURY EXPRESS

PLEASE COME AND JOIN ME WATCH THE MERCURY EXPRESS AND PERIHELION PRECESS

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN

I’VE GOT ICE AND PLAINS AND CRATERS ON MY SURFACE HERE

BUT I DON’T HAVE AN ATMOSPHEEEEEEERE

ONLY EARTH HAS GOT A DENSITY THAT’S MORE

THAT’S CAUSE I’VE GOT LOTS OF IRON IN MY MY MY MY MY CORE

MESSENGER LAUNCHED IN OH FOUR

CIRCLED ME LIKED WHAT IT SAW

TEN YEARS ON AND IT RAN OUT OF GAS

DON’T YOU KNOW IT CRASHED INTO THE MERCURY EXPRESS

NOW I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHO’S GONNA CLEAN UP ALL THIS MESS

BEPI COLUMBO’S MY NEXT GUEST

DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S COMING TO THE MERCURY EXPRESS

WILL TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES OF THE MERCURY EXPRESS

I WISH IT ALL THE BEST SUCCESS

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

GET ON BOARD MY TRAIN

GET ON BOOOAAARRRRD… (exits right)

17.

CHLOE Are all the planets that fast?

DELANEY No, MERCURY has to be the fastest because it’s closest to the Sun. If it wasn’t moving so fast it would be pulled in by the Sun’s gravity. If the other planets were as fast as MERCURY they would shoot out of the solar system...hey, that was my first planet sighting. I wonder if we can get to see Venus today.

ALEX Right this way. (all exit left)

18.

ACT I

Scene 4 - TOO MANY CLOUDS

SETTING: Same as scene 3

AT RISE: Students enter right

CHLOE So have we sent satellites to Venus?

DELANEY Yes, lots. Venus is easier to catch up to but it’s really hot there, even hotter than MERCURY.

CHLOE How can that be, since it’s further from the Sun?

DELANEY It’s because of the—look, there’s Venus now.

(VENUS, downcast, enters left and slowly moves right. The planet has large yellow sponges, loaded with water, on both hands and an enormous one on head. Add more to other body parts if you like. During the song the students move left past Venus. They cross at “closest to you” and VENUS reaches out to ALEX who reciprocates but does not approach. VENUS continues right).

BRYCE Gee, why so glum? (BRYCE will try to get photo of VENUS during song but always picks moments when the planet raises sponges on hands so BRYCE can never get a shot. CHLOE shows some interest while DELANEY again alternates between phone and glances to the planet.)

(The music begins)

19.

TOO MANY CLOUDS (to the tune: Send In The Clowns (Judy Collins version))

VENUS

ISN’T IT SAD

MY FAULT I GUESS

I THOUGHT AS EARTH’S TWIN YOU’D LIKE ME BEST

BUT THEN THERE’S THE CLOUDS

CLOSEST TO YOU

JUST THE SAME SIZE

I SHINE BRIGHTER THAN ANY STAR IN YOUR SKY

BUT I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS

HOT THICK YELLOW CLOUDS

SULFURIC ACID RAINS FROM MY SKY (squeeze out hand sponges now)

CARBON DIOXIDE UNBELIEVABLY HIGH

I’M A GREENHOUSE GAS EFFECT RUN AMOK

EIGHT HUNDRED EIGHTY DEGREES

PLANNING A VISIT? GOOD LUCK

DON’T HAVE A MOON

AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S WEIRD

A DAY HERE IS LONGER THAN MY WHOLE YEAR

I WAS NAMED AFTER LOVE

BUT ALL THEY THINK OF

ARE THOSE CLOUDS ABOVE

(during 23 second musical interlude)

BRYCE It’s really hot here.

CHLOE My ube is melting.

20.

ALEX It’s not that hot.

DELANEY Yes it is. We’ve seen VENUS, let’s keep going. (they continue left. VENUS, now far right, gestures to students.)

VENUS TO SEE ALL THIS

YOU WON’T HAVE TO GO FAR

OH, YOU’RE AS LIKELY TO COME HERE

AS GO TO THE STARS

IT’S BECAUSE OF THE CLOUDS

I HAVE TOO MANY CLOUDS

OKAY...GO VISIT...MARS

(VENUS buries head in hands, more water expressed, exits right. ALEX, BRYCE and CHLOE show concern as they watch VENUS exit. Not so DELANEY)

DELANEY Yeah, great idea, two planets down. Let’s see if we can find Mars.

ALEX I know where MARS is but I can’t go there just yet. At home I have some things to get.

DELANEY Let’s keep going, I don’t need to see Earth.

BRYCE If ALEX needs to check in at home we can do that.

CHLOE I don’t get how a day on VENUS can be longer than a year.

21.

DELANEY When you say day, do you mean how long VENUS takes to rotate on its axis or how long it takes for the Sun to return to the same place in the sky?

CHLOE Well that’s the same thing, isn’t it?

ALEX No, for EARTH the time to spin it is shorter by four minutes than the SUN place in the sky way, which is our twenty-four hour day.

DELANEY And on VENUS one is twice as long as the other but they both last over one hundred Earth days.

CHLOE I still don’t get how a day can last so long but I do know if I ever go visit VENUS, I’m going to show up on a Saturday.

(all exit left)

BLACKOUT

22.

ACT I

Scene 5 - LIVING ROOM SCENE

SETTING: As before but now there is a couch or two chairs far left where MR. and MRS. EARTH are sitting. Nearby is a garbage can and a recycling bin. A crescent shaped silver mylar helium balloon is tied with a very long string to the couch. Head shots of the seven planet actors and SUNNY could be on wall behind them with a photo of PLUTO last and turned backwards. If no photos used, hide the PLUTO poster behind the seating.

AT RISE: Students enter right

CHLOE Okay, so here’s a question even I can understand the answer to. VENUS was really hot but what is the average temperature on Earth?

DELANEY I have no idea.

ALEX These days it’s Farenheit fifty-nine or so but it was a degree less forty years ago.

CHLOE Do you always talk in rhymes?

ALEX (shrugs) Just sometimes. (CHLOE looks quizzically at audience, they walk left)

ALEX We’re out of space. Here’s my place...of birth...and my parents, MR. and MRS. EARTH.

23.

MR. EARTH Hi, where have you been kids? Tell us what you did.

BRYCE Hi MR. EARTH, we got froyo at SUNNY’S and then saw MERCURY AND VENUS.

MRS. EARTH Oh ALEX just loves SUNNY’S chocolate mixture. How are MERCURY and VENUS? Did you get a picture?

BRYCE No, MERCURY was always moving too much and every time I tried to get a shot of VENUS, the clouds got in my way.

MRS. EARTH Say, would you like to take a picture of us today? (MR. and MRS. EARTH get together for a shot)

BRYCE Sure. Okay, one, two...

(DELANEY throws cup away in garbage; MR. EARTH jumps up; BRYCE misses picture, exasperated at photographic failures.)

MR. EARTH Hey, don’t put that in the trash bin, that goes in recycling.

DELANEY It’s just one cup.

MR. EARTH If eight billion people recycle one thing less, do you know what my backyard looks like? A mess! (ALEX collects cup from trash bin and takes cups from BRYCE and CHLOE and put all in recycling.)

24.

MRS. EARTH Thank you ALEX, but you know you left your clothes on the floor and didn’t close your window or door and you left your light on when you were at the store. It’s not like the oil truck makes deliveries anymore.

MR. EARTH We need your help around here. We can’t do it all by ourselves every year.

MRS. EARTH That’s right, and you know we had a new MOON last night. (points to balloon)

CHLOE Congratulations MRS. E!

MRS. EARTH CHLOE, we have a new MOON every twenty-nine and a half days... and ALEX, you didn’t take it out in the SUN’s setting rays.

DELANEY But a new Moon can’t be seen on the first day. It’s too close to the Sun.

MR. EARTH But it can be seen on the second day. And if people don’t see a crescent MOON tonight at sunset, what will they say?

DELANEY Well, a second day Moon won’t be visible for long before it sets. We’ll wait for you ALEX while you take it out.

MRS. EARTH Oh, where are you going?

DELANEY We’re going to explore the solar system and see all the planets.

25.

MR. EARTH You’re not going to PLUTO, are you?

DELANEY Oh no, Pluto is a Kuiper belt object.

MR. EARTH You’re right about that. I always knew it wasn’t a planet. (ALEX gets PLUTO poster and holds it up. Use the “heart” picture from the New Horizons probe if you can.)

ALEX (angry) Are you telling me this isn’t a planet?

MR. EARTH (angrier) It’s orbit is tilted seventeen degrees to ours. MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, NEPTUNE are only tilted two degrees. Seventeen degrees! Where did that come from?

ALEX It doesn’t matter where it comes from or how tilted its orbit is. I miss PLUTO and I want it to be a planet.

MR. EARTH Make PLUTO a planet and the next thing you know every rock a mile wide circling the SUN will want to be a planet.

ALEX (yelling) It’s a planet

MR. EARTH (yelling louder) It’s not one of us.

26.

CHLOE (quietly to BRYCE) They’re not rhyming anymore.

BRYCE I know, that’s not a good thing.

MRS. EARTH (very upset) Please stop.

BRYCE Are you okay MRS. EARTH?

MR. EARTH She’s not feeling well. She’s had a fever and it’s not getting better.

DELANEY (uncomfortably) Well, we need to get going.

ALEX You go ahead without me. It’s okay, I’ve seen the planets before. I need to stay here and help out.

(ALEX puts poster away and gets crescent MOON balloon. DELANEY exits left, BRYCE and CHLOE reluctantly follow; MR. EARTH consoles MRS. EARTH; the lights dim)

27.

ACT I

Scene 6 - TWILIGHT TALK

ALEX (starts to walk right with MOON, looks back left)

SO THERE THEY GO, MY THREE FRIENDS

OFF TO SEE MY HEAVENLY FRIENDS

MY PARENTS DON’T THINK I NEED FRIENDS

SO NOW IT’S JUST YOU AND ME...FRIEND

(looks up and continues to address MOON)

PIERCING THE TWILIGHT WITH YOUR THIN SILVER CRESCENT

TONIGHT’S CELESTIAL HIGHLIGHT, A TWO DAY OLD PRESENT

BUT SO SOON OUT OF SIGHT FROM HORIZON’S ASCENT

AS THE EARTH SPINS RIGHT...YOU DON’T SELF DESCENT (last four words with a head shake and a smile)

28.

ALEX (cont.)

YOUR RISE AND YOUR FALL, YOUR APPARENT MOTION

IT’S MOSTLY EARTH’S FAULT, MY PARENT’S DEVOTION

AND NOW I HEAR THEIR CALL, THEY SAY IT’S A PROMOTION

ME? IN CHARGE OF THIS ALL? I’VE GOT MIXED EMOTION

(takes a step back left and looks left)

I WANTED TO GO THOUGH

THEY WERE ACTING SO LOCO

SHOULDA SEEN THEM AT FROYO

SUNNY WAS MAD, UH OH

THEY DON’T KNOW THE WAY TO GO

HOW THEY’LL GET THERE I DON’T KNOW

GOING WITH THEM’S A NO GO

I CAN’T PLAY SAM TO THEIR FRODO

(continues right, looking at MOON and pulling it lower as light fades)

I’VE GOT LOTS OF PLANS YOU KNOW

I’M JUST NOT SURE WHICH TO FOLLOW

I’M THINKING LOCAL

MOM AND DAD WANT ME GLOBAL

I’M THINKING GRANDE THOUGH

I’VE GOT TO START POCO

GOT THIS BIG VISION SO

GOT TO BE MORE FOCAL

BEEN KEEPING MY VOICE LOW

GOT TO BE MORE VOCAL

ANSWERS SEEM HIDDEN

AS WE WANDER AND SEEK

WE COULD PONDER FOREVER

WE COULD WAX ON FOR TWO WEEKS

AND KEEP GOING IN CIRCLES

WATCH OUR ENERGY WANE

AND IN TWO MORE WEEKS

START ALL OVER AGAIN

29.

ALEX(cont.)

(stops moving, MOON now at eye level, looks directly at audience)

BUT A DECISION’S GOT TO BE MADE

IT’S NOT REALLY A DEBT

IT’S JUST WHERE I BELONG

I CAN NEVER FORGET

I’LL BE HAPPIEST HERE

IT’S MY BEST BET

SO I’M GOING TO STAY HOME...

AND NOW WE’RE BOTH SET

(looks at MOON and hurries back to parents with MOON to tell them the news. They are all excited)

BLACKOUT

30.

ACT I

Scene 7 - MORE REAL

SETTING: The stage and background are empty. Consider this the best scene to demonstrate the relative motion of the planets and students. The students enter right and are center when they see MARS enter left. MARS slowly moves to center during its poem while the students move left, BRYCE lagging behind.

As they talk, MARS moves right while CHLOE and DELANEY go left. BRYCE is now alone and has to decide which way to go.

AT RISE: BRYCE, CHLOE AND DELANEY enter right

CHLOE So what do ALEX’s parents do?

DELANEY I’m not sure.

BRYCE I think it’s something about real estate or property management or something like that. Mars isn’t going to be moving too fast or be too hot is it?

DELANEY Definitely not. We’ve had a lot of success exploring Mars. In nineteen seventy-one Mariner 9 took pictures of it. Then in seventy-five the Viking crafts actually touched down on Mars. There were some failures, like the ninety-two Observer probe, but then came the rovers Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity and Curiosity. They were a great success. The lander Insight arrived in two thousand eighteen and then the rover Perseverance. (looks at phone) Hey, look, all the planets are lined up!

31.

CHLOE The planets are always lined up...at least on the poster in science class.

DELANEY It’s called syzygy but it never actually happens. The first three sometimes, but all eight, never. It’s crazy but at least we’ll be able to find them without ALEX.

(They walk a bit more right. MARS appears left, looking at its phone)

BRYCE Look, there’s MARS. (pulls out phone to take picture)

DELANEY Great! We’ve got that sighting, now I’ve seen four, but we know so much about MARS already. It’s getting late, there’s no reason to stop here. Let’s go.

BRYCE Just let me get a shot...got it

(BRYCE finally gets a photo and the students start to move left. MARS notices and is annoyed and responds with MORE REAL)

MARS

ANOTHER PHOTO FROM AFAR...I’M OFFENDED

LIKE A GLANCE FROM A SPEEDING CAR, NO REAL INTEREST INTENDED

DON’T NEED ANOTHER OBSERVER, WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDED

LET ME SEE WHO YOU ARE, LET’S GET SOME ENERGY EXPENDED

DON’T CALL ME A CANDY BAR, (holds up phone)CALL ME, I CAN BE FRIENDED

I’M IN SIGHT OF YOUR BACKYARD, LET’S GET OUR FENCES MENDED

NASA SAYS THE DOOR’S AJAR, LAUNCH WINDOW’S BEEN EXTENDED

THE JOURNEY’S NOT THAT FAR, I NEED SOMEBODY SENDED!

32.

MARS (cont.)

BOOKS AND SONGS AND MOVIE STARS? DON’T NEED MORE SCIENCE THAT’S PRETENDED

WHY CAN’T WOMEN COME FROM MARS? JUST LIKE THE MEN DID

ELTON SAID AIN’T THE PLACE ON MARS? WHY YOU COULD RAISE TEN KIDS

DETECTIVE VERONICA MARS? GET THAT TV SHOW SUSPENDED

MATT DAMON AND TAYLOR KITSCH ARE NOT MY FAVORITE MARTIANS

THAT WAS MAKE BELIEVE AND SO WAS RAY WALSTON

DON’T CARE FOR EITHER WELL(E)S WHETHER H.G. OR ORSON

LISTEN TO ME YELL—I NEED A REAL PERSON!

WANT PEOPLE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE SPIRIT AND CURIOSITY

WANT REAL VIKINGS AND MARINES TO MAKE UP MY LANDING PARTY

SHOW PERSEVERANCE AND YOU’LL SEE THAT THERE’S A POSSIBILITY

SO TAKE A SOJOURN OUT TO ME...YOU’LL HAVE REAL OPPORTUNITY

(BRYCE seems interested and lags behind CHLOE and DELANEY as they move further left)

HEY, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DON’T YOU IGNORE ME

COME OVER HERE, GET IN IT, YOU’VE GOT TO EXPLORE ME

DIG DEEP, NO LIMIT, YOU CAN TERRAFORM ME

THEN ONCE YOU LIVE IT, YOU’LL FIND YOU ADORE ME

BRYCE (inches back towards MARS) So...what’s on MARS?

MARS

MY CANYON’S THE DEEPEST, FIVE TIMES YOUR GRANDEST

THOUSAND MILES IT’S THE LONGEST, MY VALLES MARINERIS

MY VOLCANO’S THE HIGHEST, TWICE WHAT IS EVEREST

HUNDRED MILES IT’S THE WIDEST, MY MONS OLYMPUS

I’VE GOT ONE NINTH EARTH’S MASS, MY DIAMETER’S HALF

YOUR WEIGHT HERE? DON’T ASK, YOU DO THE MATH

MY ORBITAL SPEED’S FIVE SIXTHS AS FAST,

CAUSE MY ASTRONOMICAL UNITS ARE ONE AND A HALF

SO EVERY TWO YEARS I SEE EARTH PASS

AS I CONTINUE ALONG MY ELLIPTICAL PATH

33.

BRYCE Can you tell me anymore about MARS?

MARS

MORE?

SO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THIS GOD OF WAR

FROM MY OCHRE FLOOR OF IRON ORE TO MY SMALL IRON CORE

I’M AN OPEN DOOR, EXPLORE, GO NORTH, TAKE A TOUR

MY POLE’S GOT ICE GALORE, A MILE THICK OR MORE

MY AXIS TILTS LIKE YOURS, JUST A BIT MORE

SO MY SEASONS ARE FOUR AND EACH SUMMER THE ICE IS...LESS

DAILY HOURS ARE TWENTY-FOUR PLUS A HALF MORE

BUT MY YEAR’S NOT LIKE YOURS, NO, IT’S ALMOST TWICE MORE

SO’S MY LUNAR SCORE AS PHOBOS AND DEIMOS AVERAGE A DAY FOR THEIR ORBITAL TOUR

MY ATMOSPHERE? IT’S POOR...SO WHAT, YOU’LL LIVE INDOORS

BRYCE Well...I don’t know.

MARS

LOOK, I MAY BE A STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND

THERE MAY BE A DANGER BUT YOU UNDERSTAND

TECH CAN BE A GAME CHANGER SO GO MAKE A PLAN

AND TAKE AN ADVENTURE...I KNOW THAT YOU CAN

BRYCE So...if I went to MARS would I be the first person there?

MARS Yes

BRYCE Could I be governor of MARS?

MARS You could be president of MARS!

34.

BRYCE That does it! CHLOE, DELANEY—I’m going to MARS!

DELANEY You need to stay with us. What happened to class secretary?

BRYCE (responds with “MY ONE SHOT”, slowly at first)

HEY... I HAD A PLAN

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED

I HAVE A CHANCE

TO REARRANGE

MY LIFE’S...BEEN ON HOLD

BEEN AIMING LOW

CAN’T WAIT TO GET OLD

TIME TO ACT NOW...SO

HAVE TO BE BOLD

DONE WITH FROYO (dismissive to CHLOE and DELANEY)

TOOK MY OWN POLL RESULTS ONE TO OH

MARS GOT ME SOLD

I’VE GOT TO GO

SO WHEN MY STORY’S TOLD

EVERYONE WILL KNOW...

(after one line, MARS picks up the pattern and uses arms and body to spell out M-A-R-S. Think YMCA. After a few more lines, CHLOE hesitantly does the same. Pick up the pace now.)

I’LL HAVE A MAGNIFICENT, A TRAIL BLAZING, REVOLUTION MAKING, SUPER PRESIDENCY

I’LL BE MUNIFICENT, AMAZING, REAL SOLUTION BAKING, SCANDAL FREE

I’LL NEVER BE MALEFICENT, ANTAGONIZING, RESOLUTION BREAKING OR SCOUNDRELLY

MALEVOLENT, AVENGING, REPUTATION FAKING OR SLANDERLY

NOR MALICIOUS, ARROGANT, RUMOR MAKING OR SWAGGERLY

THEY’LL BE NO MALFEASANCE, AUTOCRACY OR RESIGNING SHAMEFULLY

35.

BRYCE (cont.) I’LL BE FIRST AT GETTING THINGS DONE

I’LL BE A MARTIAN GEORGE WASHINGTON

ON YOUR SIDE NO MATTER WHERE YOU’RE FROM

REPRESENTATIVE OF EVERYONE

(MARS and CHLOE now enthusiastically spelling letters, looking for audience participation. DELANEY rolls eyes, refusing to join in.)

YOU’LL SEE THAT

MY ADMINISTRATION RULES SUCCESSFULLY

MOST AGREEABLY, REMARKABLY AND SPLENDIDLY

MANAGED ADMIRABLY, RESOURCEFULLY AND STATESMANLY

MEDIATING ALLIANCES RATHER SUCCESSFULLY

MAGNANIMOUSLY ADVOCATING RE—

DELANEY —Yeah, yeah I get the M-A-R-S thing but you can’t go there.

BRYCE (now angry)

YOU KNOW A HUNDRED FORTY MILLION MILES AGO I WAS THROWING A SKITTLE FIT

BUT I’M GROWING UP NOW, BIT BY LITTLE BIT

YOU SAY I CAN’T GO TO MARS, YOU THINK THIS KID’LL QUIT

I SAY I’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES, I THINK THIS KID’LL FIT

I WON’T VOTE RIGHT OR LEFT, I’LL JUST MIDDLE SIT

AND AS FOR MY TERM, WELL I’LL JUST LIMIT IT

I’M MOTIVATED, DETERMINED, I HAVE THAT CRITICAL GRIT

SO YOU JUST WATCH ME HERE, I’LL BE A POLITICAL HIT

DELANEY You can’t be president of MARS. There wasn’t even an election.

BRYCE

SO THERE WAS NO ELECTION—BUT HEY, WAIT A MINUTE

THE ONE WITH THE MOST VOTES DOESN’T ALWAYS WIN IT

IF YOU THINK THAT’S A COP OUT THEN YOU CAN ALL KISS IT

CAUSE THIS IS MY ONE SHOT...AND I’M NOT GONNA MISS IT

36.

CHLOE S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it. DELANEY S/he’s going to MARS, I can’t believe it.

(CHLOE excitedly impressed, DELANEY incredulous)

CHLOE S/he had the shot right there and took it. DELANEY S/he had the shot right there and took it

(CHLOE pumps fist enthusiastically, DELANEY mimes taking a photo with phone)

CHLOE It was so bold, unprecedented.

DELANEY It was cell phone documented.

CHLOE Why NOT just go there?

DELANEY Why not just stay HERE?

CHLOE And s/he got to see the first four planets.

DELANEY And s/he won’t get to see the last four planets.

(Now they angrily address each other, CHLOE moving slowly left towards DELANEY.)

37.

CHLOE All you want to do is see.

DELANEY You don’t know what you want to be.

CHLOE Well...I kinda like this planet stuff.

DELANEY Well you just don’t study enough.

CHLOE Maybe if someone would teach me.

DELANEY Maybe if you were more like me.

CHLOE It’s not that I’m stupider, there’s just a lot I don’t know.

DELANEY It’s a long way to Jupiter, we’ve got to go. (DELANEY storms off left, CHLOE reluctantly follows.)

38.

ACT I

Scene 8 - AISLE FIVE

SETTING: Empty stage except for a few small balls (like in a ball pit) on the floor stage right.(Skittle colors?)

AT RISE: DELANEY enters right, looking at phone, anxious to keep moving. CHLOE follows behind. More balls will be thrown at CHLOE from off stage.

CHLOE (sees balls and picks up three.) What are these, toys?

DELANEY They’re asteroids.

CHLOE I don’t know what that is but they could be fun. (tries to juggle but a few more fly by or hit CHLOE and drops them)

DELANEY They’re small rocky bodies that orbit the Sun. (A giant ball, like those two foot diameter exercise ones goes right at CHLOE from off stage. CHLOE frantically tried to dodge it and yells at DELANEY.)

CHLOE You said they were small. I almost got pulverized.

DELANEY Most are small but there’s one almost planet sized.

39.

CHLOE What’s with the rhyming? You’re starting to sound like ALEX.

DELANEY (annoyed) I don’t know.

CHLOE Hey, and BRYCE did it before leaving with MARS.

DELANEY Maybe we’re catching it from the planets. I guess we shouldn’t be getting too close to them. (more small balls come flying by and hit CHLOE who is now getting annoyed. None ever go towards DELANEY)

CHLOE Are there any more big ones coming my way?

DELANEY No, that was Ceres, the largest one by far.

CHLOE (really frustrated by bombardment at this point) How many asteroids are there?

DELANEY Oh there are millions of them. (as many balls as possible go towards CHLOE. Ideally a twenty gallon bucket of them dumped from above or smaller buckets thrown from off stage. DELANEY ignores all this)

40.

DELANEY Let’s get going. I need to finish my mission. (exits left)

CHLOE (forlorn, center stage, looking at audience) Let’s take a break. I need an intermission.

OFF STAGE VOICE There will be an intermission while CHLOE and DELANEY make their way to Jupiter.

BLACKOUT

END OF ACT I

41.

ACT II

Scene 9 - ONE BIG PLANET

SETTING: The stage is empty.

AT RISE: An announcement in the theater. A commotion down the aisle. Loud rock music starts.

OFF STAGE VOICE Ladies and gentleman, we are approaching Jupiter. Please take your seats. We are approaching Jupiter.

ONE BIG PLANET (to the tune: Sharp Dressed Man)

JUPITER

COLORED CLOUDS RED SPOT

I’VE GOT LOTS OF THINGS YOU HAVEN’T GOT

THIN RINGS FASTEST SPIN

MY GIANT MASS IS GONNA PULL YOU IN

I’VE GOT SEVENTY-NINE MOONS AROUND ME

CAUSE NOTHING CAN RESIST MY GRA-VI-TY

42.

JUPITER (cont.)

(JUPITER introduces satellites who acknowledge their names.)

FOUR MOONS YOU CAN SEE

CALLISTO IO EUROPA GANYMEDE

STRONGEST MAGNETIC FIELD

I’M A PLANETARY COMET SHIELD

IN NINETY-FOUR I GRABBED SHOEMAKER LEVY

I’M THE BIGGEST SO THEY ALL MUST COME TO ME

{JUPITER has more than twice the mass of all other planets combined}

{JUPITER has the mass of 318 EARTHS}

{JUPITER’s diameter is ten times EARTH’s}

{You would weigh two and a half times as much on JUPITER’s surface}

{JUPITER’s Great Red Spot is a giant storm}

{You could fit two EARTH’s in it}

{A JUPITER year is almost 12 EARTH years long}

{JUPITER’s day is less than 10 hours long}

{JUPITER’s core temperature is 36,000 degrees F}

{JUPITER’s four largest moons were first seen by Galileo in 1610}

{GANYMEDE, the largest moon in the solar system is bigger than Mercury}

{IO is the most volcanically active world in the solar system}

{EUROPA may have a large water ocean beneath a smooth icy surface}

{CALLISTO has the most impact craters of any moon in the solar system}

43.

JUPITER(cont.)

MY HYDROGEN PRESSURE’S GREAT

IT’S IN A LIQUIFIED METALLIC STATE

MY CORE’S SUPER HOT

I GIVE THE BEST GRAVITATIONAL SLINGSHOT

ZEUS IS MY NAME IN ANCIENT GREEK LORE

THE REST OF YOU CAN CALL ME JU PI TOR

(As the song ends, JUPITER frantically tries to correct the mispronunciation while the satellites try to pull it off stage. JUPITER tries to impress CHLOE and DELANEY)

That’s JupiTER, Ju Pi TER, (spells)J-U-P-I-T-E-R. I’m the biggest planet. Bigger than all the others put together. I’ve got a really big red spot. Wanna see it? Come visit me.

(JUPITER resists as the satellites try to physically drag the planet off stage.)

That’s JupiTER. Biggest planet ever. I’ve got a lot more moons than these four. Come see them. I’m massive. Lots of gravity. Ju pi TER

(Finally dragged off right by satellites as CHLOE and DELANEY move left and music fades out.)

CHLOE Well that was unusual. I guess we won’t be going to JUPITER.

DELANEY It’s actually a very interesting place. The Juno probe arrived there in two thousand sixteen and took lots of measurements but if you want to know about a launch that was really successful, look up Cassini. That probe circled Saturn for years and finally ran out of fuel so they purposefully crashed it into the planet. You’ve got to see the video from the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory. It’s incredible. Check it out on their website or look on youtube. Look for the April fourth, two thousand seventeen video: Cassini’s Grand Finale.

44.

CHLOE (taking out phone) Wait, what was that?

DELANEY Cassini’s Grand Finale. Look for the video that is three minutes and forty-one seconds long.

CHLOE (looking at phone) Oh, here it is...WOW.

DELANEY No. Wait til you get home to look at it (glares at audience). We’ve got to keep moving. I think we’re almost to Saturn.

(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)

BLACKOUT

45.

ACT II

Scene 10 - LETTER TO CASSINI

SETTING: The stage is empty except for a chair, perhaps with a table, where SATURN sits left.

SATURN My dearest Cassini,

You sent thousands of pictures of me to EARTH but it took over an hour for the radio waves to get there, so they never really saw us live.

46.

SATURN (cont.)

And what a wonderful picture you took of my great white storm. Bigger than JUPITER’s red spot...a lot bigger (grins and nods but does not write the last three words).

Three more than that...JUPITER.

And of course your visit to my TITAN. The largest moon in the solar system.

(While SATURN stops writing and daydreams, GANYMEDE comes out right and addresses audience. CHLOE and DELANEY continue to observe and move slowly left.)

GANYMEDE Hold on a minute. Now it’s true that SATURN’s white storm is larger than JUPITER’s red one, but the red one is always there and SATURN’s just shows up every summer—which is once every twenty-nine years for you Earthlings. And TITAN is not the largest moon. It’s big alright but not quite as large as me, GANYMEDE. I’m seventy-one miles wider. Just saying. (exits right)

47.

SATURN TITAN...almost the largest moon in the solar system, with its rivers and lakes of methane. You sent the Huygens lander by parachute to settle down there. I’ll always have that as a memento of our relationship.

I wonder when that Dragonfly is going to show up? (with a bit of a mischievous smile)

CHLOE (to DELANEY) I guess we better let SATURN have some alone time.

(CHLOE and DELANEY exit left)

BLACKOUT

48.

ACT II
Scene 11 - NOT A HUMAN

SETTING: The stage is empty

AT RISE: CHLOE and DELANEY enter right

CHLOE What’s with the dragonfly thing?

DELANEY NASA is planning on sending a quadcopter drone to land on TITAN. Then it will be able to fly in its atmosphere to explore and look for signs of life.

CHLOE That’s incredible, how can they do that?

DELANEY No time to explain, you can check out the NASA Dragonfly video on youtube–when you get home. (sternly directed at audience) We’ve got to get to the next planet.

CHLOE Oh no, I know what the next planet is. I do not want to go to your anus.

DELANEY It’s YOOR-unus

CHLOE I don’t care. I do not want to see your anus.

DELANEY YOOR-unus. The emphasis is on the first syllable.

CHLOE Look, there’s your anus now.

49.

DELANEY Sssshh! Not so loud. (looking at URANUS who has entered left) Uh oh. Too late.

URANUS

BEING A PLANET ISN’T FUN WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME

WHEN THEY THINK THAT A BODY PART AND I SORTA SOUND THE SAME (CHLOE snickers and URANUS angrily points)

THAT’S NOT NICE, IN FACT IT’S SOMETHING I REALLY HATE

I’M NOT A HUMAN, I DON’T HAVE TO DEFECATE

THE ANCIENTS NAMED PLANETS FOR THE ROMAN GODS

AND AFTER FIVE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THEY’RE DONE

SO WHY DID I GET THE NAME OF THE GREEK SKY GOD

WHEN I WAS DISCOVERED BACK IN SEVENTEEN EIGHTY-ONE?

DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND

FOUR BILLION YEARS OLD AND ONLY RECENTLY FOUND

THEY SAID I WAS FEATURELESS BACK WHEN VOYAGER 2 CLOSED IN

THAT NONE OF MY MOONS WERE LARGE AND ALL OF MY RINGS WERE THIN

THAT MAY BE TRUE BUT HEY TAKE A LOOK INSIDE

CHECK OUT WHAT’S IN THIS ICE GIANT AND THEN MAYBE YOU CAN DECIDE

(opens up one side of coat and then the other. Takes off coat (and belt?) and hands it to CHLOE who is fascinated by it.)

50.

I’VE GOT A BIG OCEAN FILLED WITH METHANE SLUSH THAT HAS DIAMONDS RAINING TO THE FLOOR

AND THERE JUST MAY BE A THICK GEMSTONE CRUST THAT GOES COMPLETELY AROUND MY ENTIRE CORE

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

DON’T VIEW THE COVER AND THEN GO JUDGE THE BOOK

I MAY BE THE COLDEST PLANET NOW AND YOU’RE SAYING THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO FREEZE

BUT IF YOU DIG A LOT DEEPER DOWN I GO UP NINE THOUSAND DEGREES

SO HOLD ON...AND TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK PLEASE

(During instrumental, URANUS lies down and rolls left to right with head facing audience. CHLOE is perplexed.)

DO YOU KNOW I’M THE ONLY PLANET THAT SPINS ON ITS SIDE (while prone, then to sitting position for next line)

BUT IT’S NOT LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT I GOT TO DECIDE (now stands up)

SO I ROLL LIKE A MARBLE INSTEAD OF S-S-S-SPIN LIKE A TOP

AND MY NORTH POLE GETS SUN FORTY-TWO YEARS NON STOP

MAYBE MY SURFACE DOESN’T FASCINATE AND MY NAME LOOKS LIKE ANATOMY

SO I ASK YOU TWO THINGS—GET YOUR ACCENTS STRAIGHT AND TAKE SOME TIME TO REALLY GET TO KNOW ME

DON’T ACCENT THAT SECOND SOUND

NINETY-NINE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED MILES AROUND

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

DON’T VIEW MY COVER AND THINK YOU KNOW THIS BOOK

ALWAYS TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK

TAKE THAT SECOND LOOK...SECOND LOOK (URANUS goes to exit right and get back coat but CHLOE wants to learn more. URANUS explains things to CHLOE who listens intently while DELANEY waits impatiently.)

51.

DELANEY Let’s finish up and see NEPTUNE.

CHLOE There’s no reason for us to go there. YOOR-unus tells me that NEPTUNE is another ice giant, virtually identical to it in size and chemical composition. It’s internal structure is likely the same as YOOR-unus and it’s another ten point nine astronomical units further away.

(Looks to audience, palms out, asking for some love. DELANEY looks to audience in amazement.)

That’s almost another billion miles to go. It was less than that from SUNNY’s to SATURN and we saw six planets in that distance. Besides, I’ve got to get back and do some reading.

DELANEY What are you going to read? (incredulously)

CHLOE I’ve got a lot of studying to do. I’m going to be an Earth and space science teacher.

DELANEY But I’ve seen seven planets, I’ve got to see the last one.

CHLOE We gotta get back. (grabs DELANEY and pulls stage right. DELANEY initially fights back but then reluctantly goes and they exit right with Uranus.)

52.

ACT II

Scene 12 - NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE)

SETTING: The stage is empty.

AT RISE: A commotion is heard off stage.

DELANEY appears, perhaps from a side entrance rather than from the stage.

53.

NEPTUNE (NOT EASY TO SEE) (to the tune Superman(Not Easy))

I KNOW I’M NO MARS

NO WAY I’M THAT NEAR

MAN WILL NEVER FLY

HALF A THOUSANDTH ‘A LIGHT YEAR

I’M SO FAR AWAY BUT OH IF YOU KNEW

METHANE MAKES ME SUCH A PRETTY SHADE OF BLUE

BUT IT’S NOT EASY TO SEE ME

I WISH I WASN’T FAR

AND YOU WERE CLOSE TO ME

THEN YOU WOULDN’T NEED

A TELESCOPE TO SEE

THAT I HAVE GOT RINGS AND ONCE A DARK SPOT

OH BUT SATURN AND JUPITER I’M NOT

I’VE GOT A LARGE MOON I CALL IT TRITON

THOUGH IT’S NOT AS LARGE AS YOUR ONLY ONE

OH HOW I WISH YOU COULD SEE ME

I’M SO FAR AWAY AND MOVE SO SLOW

THAT DID YOU KNOW IT’S A HUNDRED SIXTY-FIVE YEARS TO GO

AROUND THE SUN

JUST ONE TIME

I’M GOD OF THE SEA

IN ROMAN MYTHOLOGY

YET SPEEDING CLOUDS ARE MY POWER

AT A THOUSAND MILES AN HOUR

I HAVE EIGHTEEN MOONS, SIXTEEN HOUR DAY

BUT WHAT’S THE ONLY THING THEY EVER SAY

THAT FOR TWENTY YEARS, UNTIL NINETY-NINE

PLUTO’S ORBIT SLIPPED INSIDE OF MINE

THAT MADE ME NINE

NOW BACK AT EIGHT

BUT IT’S TOO LATE

POOR PLUTO’S FATE

54.

NEPTUNE(CONT.)

I’M FURTHEST AWAY

BUT MAYBE SOMEDAY

YOU’LL TRAVEL TWELVE YEARS MY WAY

I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE VOYAGER 2

I KNOW IT’S...HARD...TO...DO

PLEASE

COME VISIT

(DELANEY now: -approaches NEPTUNE or-touches NEPTUNE’s right shoulder or -they embrace)

BLACKOUT

55. ACT II

Scene 13 - LINEUP

SETTING: The stage is empty

Planet line opens up so that MR. and MRS. EARTH can take their proper place.

ALEX comes out right and goes to congratulate PLUTO, then goes to MR. and MRS. EARTH for hugs and takes the place between them.

BRYCE comes out right for a bow and takes place between MARS and JUPITER

CHLOE and DELANEY come out together right for a bow and take place between NEPTUNE and URANUS

CURTAIN

56.

QUESTIONS, DISCUSSIONS, ACTIVITIES

Where does the word planet come from?
Make a plan for a scale model of the solar system for both distance and planet size. Can you see it without a telescope or microscope? Why not?
SUNNY rhymes about the yogurt shop but is also describing the science of the Sun. What is the simplified solar fusion reaction and how does SUNNY relate that to the students in eight steps?
SUNNY is always working. What word in physics is equivalent to work?
Why is half the work unseen?
What is an order of magnitude?
Who does the man behind the curtain refer to? Do you agree that SUNNY is not like him?
What is perihelion precession?
What is Mercury’s precession famous for?
Could there really be a place on Mercury that is the perfect temperature for humans? Write a short story about a group of people who attempt to live in such a place and what they might need to do to stay in that habitable zone. Or just read 2312
What is the difference between a solar and sidereal day?
Make a model or poster to show how they differ on Venus.
What is the greenhouse gas effect?
What is the carbon dioxide level on Venus compared to Earth?
Describe the phases of the Moon and how they are portrayed in Living Room Scene and Twilight Talk.
What is the “youngest” Moon(hours after new moon) that has ever been sighted with the naked eye?

57.

What do you think of a manned mission to Mars?
What are the main obstacles to a manned Mars colony?
What is terraforming?
What are the two factors that determine the surface gravity of a planet?
Based on the information in More Real, what is the surface gravity on Mars compared to Earth?
Give the background of the ten cultural references to Mars in More Real (nine are easy to find, the tenth one is tougher).
What is a gravitational slingshot and how does it work? -What was the significance of Galileo’s sighting of Jupiter’s four moons?

Describe the route Cassini took to Saturn.
Prepare a report on the Dragonfly mission.
How could diamonds possibly be so common on Uranus?
What is an astronomical unit?
Describe the Voyager 1 and 2 space probe missions.
Would a beam of light really take “half a thousandth ‘a light year” to get from Earth to Neptune?
Should Pluto be a planet? To make a truly informed decision, first read: How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown Chasing New Horizons by Alan Stern and David Grinspoon

58.

COMBINATIONS AND PERMUTATIONS

So there are seven planets remaining (let’s call MERCURY “Y”, and MARS “Z” and then there’s V,J,S,U and N and the four students A,B,C and D for a total of eleven. If you were to consider a person who takes after three of the eleven, how many unique individuals could you make? If you imagine instead there were ten choices you might think that would be like saying how many different numbers can you make by choosing three numbers. The answer is one thousand, that is, 000 to 999, or 10x10x10. But that involves many instances of repeating the same number and we must have three different numbers if we are to apply that to our fictional character.

59.

To sum things up, there are 11+55+165=231 possible personalities obtainable by picking either one, two or three of the eleven characters.

By convention,(meaning I just decided it), letters are listed alphabetically. Maybe you can find yourself among the 231.

Rob (ADU)

If you’ve actually read through this whole explanation, perhaps you can find someone who’s lively, loving and lonely. YSN anyone?

60.

FAIR USE

1)The purpose of the new work, which in this case is educational and non commercial, is viewed very favorably.

2)The nature of the copyrighted work, which as songs are highly creative makes fair use less likely.

3)The amount of the copyrighted work used, in this case the entire melody works against fair use but does not by itself mean that fair use is denied.

4)The effect of the use upon the potential market, in this case is negligible as no one would ever see the parody as a replacement for purchasing the original.

61.

Transform means to change. Do the songs in WANDER bring up the original yet add new meaning? Absolutely. In each case, the main theme of the original, brought to mind by the melody(of course the point is to use the whole song) is maintained yet by changing the perspective from a person (or superhero) to a giant sphere of rock, gas or ice, the message is completely altered—for educational purpose. This is the heart of parody.

Consider the five songs:

ORIGINAL - Marrakesh Express by Graham Nash, 1969. A fast paced song about a train “traveling through clear Moroccan skies”, Nash describes what he sees.

WANDER - Mercury Express is a fast planet speeding around the Sun as it describes itself.

Coincidentally, the song before this one on the album is: Suite:Judy Blue Eyes, which is about...

Judy Collins...sings Stephen Sondheim’s 1973 Send in the Clowns about a seemingly well matched couple but bad timing prevents them from being together.

WANDER - Too Many Clouds is about two planets so similar and near to each other but clouds prevent visits.

ORIGINAL - Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top, 1983 Dusty Hill of ZZ Top says “It’s all in your head. If you feel sharp you be sharp”.

WANDER - One Big Planet Jupiter believes it’s the planet with the mostest.

62.

ORIGINAL - You’re Only Human(Second Wind), 1985 Billy Joel encourages depressed teens to work past difficulties and wait for things to improve.

WANDER - Not A Human(Second Sound) An unremarkable planet with a funny name asks visitors to look a little deeper to find value.

ORIGINAL - Superman(Not Easy) by Five for Fighting, 2001, Just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean life is easy.

WANDER - Neptune(Not Easy To See) Just because you’re a big beautiful planet doesn’t mean you can be seen and appreciated.